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American Out To Kill Bin Laden Arrested

From an amused Associated Press:

This May 30, 2010 picture provided by Dr. Scott Faulkner shows his brother Gary Brooks Faulkner at the Denver International Airport en route to Pakistan.

American on mission to kill bin Laden arrested

By Riaz Khan And Munir Ahmed, Associated Press Writers

June 15, 2010

PESHAWAR, Pakistan – An American armed with a pistol and a 40-inch (102-centimeter) sword was detained in northern Pakistan and told investigators he was on a solo mission to kill Osama bin Laden, a police officer said Tuesday.

The man, identified as 52-year-old Californian construction worker Gary Brooks Faulkner, said he wanted to cross over into the nearby Afghan province of Nuristan because he had "heard bin Laden was living there", according to officer Mumtaz Ahmad Khan.

He was picked up in a forest in the Chitral region late on Sunday, he said.

"We initially laughed when he told us that he wanted to kill Osama bin Laden," said Khan. But he said when officers seized the pistol, the sword, a dagger and night-vision equipment, "our suspicion grew."

Why did they laugh? Hasn’t Mr. Obama proclaimed that the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan would end as soon as Mr. Bin Laden is captured and/or killed?

Perhaps Mr. Faulkner is an Obama supporter who is ‘putting his skin in the game.’

We notice that he is not reported to have a copy of the ‘Miranda Rights’ instructions on his person. Which, to our minds, is further proof that he is an emissary from Mr. Obama, who does not seem to believe Mr. Bin Laden should be Mirandized before he is killed.

He was questioned Tuesday by intelligence officials in Peshawar, the main northwestern city.

Faulkner told police he visited Pakistan seven times, and this was his third trip to Chitral, which is a mountainous region that attracts adventurous Western tourists and hikers. Unlike much of northwestern Pakistan, it is considered relatively safe for foreigners.

Chitral and Nuristan are among several rumored hiding places for the al-Qaida leader, who has evaded a massive U.S. effort to capture him since 2001. The focus of that hunt has been along the Afghan-Pakistan border…

Bin Laden is accused of being behind the Sept. 11 attacks on the United States, as well other terrorist acts. Washington has offered a bounty of $25 million for information leading to his capture.

So why the surprise that there are some adventurous souls who are willing to take up the task?

Khan said Faulkner was also carrying a book containing Christian verses and teachings.

Well, there goes the theory that he is working for Mr. Obama. The question now is will the Pakistanis allow him to live.

When asked why he thought he had a chance of tracing bin Laden, Faulkner replied, "God is with me, and I am confident I will be successful in killing him," said Khan.

Maybe this is a mistranslation. Maybe Mr. Faulkner was actually talking about Mr. Obama instead of God.

It would be a natural enough mistake for the Pakistani translator.

This article was posted by Steve on Tuesday, June 15th, 2010. Comments are currently closed.

7 Responses to “American Out To Kill Bin Laden Arrested”

  1. artboyusa says:

    And he’s from California…unsurprisingly. Better to leave a job like this to the professionals, such as…COLT LUGER, CIA MASTERSPY, starring in “Ben Landers Must Die!”

    Colt Luger stumbled and staggered down the hillside and collapsed in a fussing, fuming, exhausted heap at the bottom.

    This sucks, he whined. I hate this.

    Colt was tired and hungry and dirty. His feet were covered in blisters, his eyes were bloodshot and his nose was running. His bowels were hosting god-knows-how-many kinds of parasite and he ached all over. Each step was an agony. Only yesterday he’d finally reached his breaking point.

    “I can’t go on (gasp)” he said to his team. “Leave me (choke) and save yourselves”.

    “Okay” they said and marched off.

    The mission had been a bust. They’d set up the ambush okay but Ben Landers never showed. Their ISI “guides” had kept hitting everybody up for spare change and when that’d run out, they’d said they were going out for cigarettes and a pint of milk and never came back. Lousy moochers.

    Now he was lost and alone in this awful country. It was hot all day and it froze all night. Not a cloud in the sky, not a blade of grass – just dusty nothingness. Stupid dust, he cursed.

    Colt Luger gazed blearily ahead – what was that? Movement! He dropped to the ground and fumbled for his binoculars. The distant scene receded alarmingly – got them wrong way around again, muttered Colt. Ah, there we go. What’s up with this?

    He could make out a group of swarthy locals standing around two stationary vehicles. There seemed to be some kind of mechanical problem – flat tire? Broken axle? Out of gas? There was a tall, bearded man who seemed to be giving all the orders – hey, a tall, bearded man? Holy cow, it was HIM!

    Right out in the open! In broad daylight! On a windless day with the sun behind me – this was perfect. Colt Luger took the heavy Barrett rifle and unscrewed the lens cap on the powerful scope. Now he could see everything quite clearly. Oh yeah – it was him. Definitely.

    Target confirmed. Range, oh, one thousand yards-ish. Weapon – loaded. Safety – off.

    Colt watched Ben Landers through the cross hairs and grinned wolfishly. Die, sucker.

    In his mind’s eye Colt saw the heavy slug tearing through his target in a slow motion explosion of blood and bone and mangled flesh. He could see Ben Lander’s surprised expression as he looked down at the yawning hole where his chest used to be and then toppled slowly backward – and as Ben Landers fell, so would Colt Luger be raised up – to glory!

    Colt could see himself in the open top Cadillac, smiling and waving to the cheering crowds as the bands played and the ticker tape fluttered around him like snow.

    He stood by the President’s side, accepting his medal and listening to the Commander-in-Chief’s words of praise: “This brave young American, errr, struck a vital blow in the so-called War on Terror. He kicked some ass. He, errrr, became judge, jewellery and executioner of the world’s second most hunted terrorist, after the CEO of what no except from me calls British Petroleum…”

    He sat on the sofa and joshed lightly with Jay Leno.

    He stood in Barnes & Noble, watching the stacks of “LUGER!”, his best-selling ‘as told to’ memoir go like hotcakes. Sign your copy, ma’am? I’d be happy to…

    He watched himself mulling over who would play him in the movie version – Brad Pitt? George Clooney? Johnny Depp?

    He saw himself getting married in Las Vegas to Paris Hilton – maybe not, he thought. Bad idea.

    He was ready. He’d take the shot. Colt’s finger tightened on the trigger when…hold on a sec.

    Maybe this wasn’t such a good idea. What about after? Huh? What then?

    With Ben Landers dead, what would happen to the Agency’s budget? $1.1 trillion bought a lot of donuts and a lot of other stuff too. The spooks had been in Fat City for nine years, they’d gotten whatever they wanted and no questions asked about where it went or what it bought or was it even worth it but a Democrat-controlled Congress would slash and burn like crazy, once they had the chance. Why give them an excuse?

    Did he want to go back to how it was under Carter? Did he want to go back to eating baloney sandwiches at his desk and drinking coffee out of a thermos? Did he want to have to carry a pocketful of change just so he could make phone calls? Did he want to ride the bus to work with the ordinary people? Did he want to go back to buying his suits at T.J. Maxx and holding up his K Mart chinos with a cardboard belt? Did he?

    Colt’s mind was torn by cognitive dissonance; both alternatives were equally attractive and both were equally appalling. What to do? How to choose?

    He closed his eyes for a moment and tried to reason clearly. Think, Colt, think. Slowly, Colt, torn between duty and self-interest, gathered his thoughts. Minutes passed. Then, he sighed softly.

    Okay. I’ve made my decision… Colt looked up just in time to watch the two vehicles driving off in a cloud of dust which shimmered briefly in the haze.

    Oh rats, he thought. Or maybe not.

    Colt Luger, CIA masterspy, wearily slung his rifle and made his way down to the lonely dirt track. He pulled a crudely lettered piece of cardboard from inside his blouse – “LANGLEY” it read – and stuck out his thumb.

    Bound to be someone coming along soon, he thought.

  2. Right of the People says:


    Excellent again my man.

  3. NoNeoCommies says:

    Let’s export all of our nut jobs.
    That might actually make them fear us and we will be rid of the weirdos.
    Start with Code Pink…

  4. BillK says:

    Please refresh my mind and tell me what this man did wrong?

    Isn’t it stated American policy to capture or kill Bin Laden?

    What am I missing?

  5. Mithrandir says:

    Well, we all are trying to find inventive ways to pay for all of Obama’s taxes. . . .

    I am sure if he actually got the $25 mill, he would be later charged with tax evasion and be thrown in prison next to Bin Laden himself!

  6. luciyahelan says:

    Really, Hat’s off. Well done, as we know that “hard work always pays off”, after a long struggle with sincere effort it’s done. This action proof to be a win, win situation. This is a true art work, which will be a success story.There’s usually a good bunch of talent nominated- they just don’t usually win.
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  7. canary says:

    Bilk, I’m with you. Why was this man arrested?

    There is no bomb control or gun control for civilians in Pakistan or Afganistan. Muslims get to carry bombs everywhere they go in the world. Obama appoints a Supreme Court Justice that won’t let Americans have two sticks tied to a rope.

    1 of the 2 Clintons better get over there and kick whose every a** is responsible for holding this American who committed no crime. I’ll bet they are torturing the man; forcing him to read the Koran. Obama would approve.

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