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Chelsea Out With 2,000 Men In Dresses

From Portland, Oregon’s Willamette Week Online:

Party Girl: Chelsea Clinton Cuts Loose With 2,000 Gay Men in Red Dresses

April 13th 2008

BY: Byron Beck

I was supposed to ask her questions like “where are you most likely to disagree with your mom or your dad?” or “did you ever call your mom at 3 am and how did she react?”

But all I could think of was that: “I am…standing in front of Hill and Bill’s kid…in a red Mary Kay Cosmetics Collection dress…I’d just bought that day at the Goodwill…how weird is that?”

Yes, Chelsea Clinton made it to the infamous “Red Dress” Party.

Not to be confused with that other annual “Red Dress” fundraiser, this is the “Red Dress Party,” a mondo-alcohol-fueled dance party where nearly 2,000 gay men in various states of red dress undress (and several nearly naked straight men as well as one very colorfully decorated naked woman) invade a warehouse in Northeast Portland and dance their collective asses off to pounding disco music and the incredible Storm Large and her Balls (they were beyond fabulous). Large, a bigtime Obama supporter even dedicated one of her more infamous songs, Ladylike, to Chelsea’s mama.

According to my sources Ms. Clinton moved heaven and earth (well, she just trimmed some of her other meetings in Oregon Saturday that included stops in Eugene and Portland State University) so that she could make the par-ty.

At 9:30 pm, just as we were walking in, I noticed one of the Governor’s more attractive staffers (Hans Bernard) heading toward the door with a very attractive blonde.

“Oh my god, it’s Chelsea,” I screamed.

Before I knew it Hans had my partner, Juan Martinez, and me next to her for a quick photo.

And then we had a conversation. It was quick. I don’t recall much of it. And I hadn’t even had a drink yet.

Suffice to say I think I said something about how much crap I’ve received for writing something about how her mom should be the next President…

Oh, that Chelsea.

It’s good to see that the Clintons aren’t pimping out their daughter to get the highly coveted homosexual vote.

Storm Large and her Balls… a bigtime Obama supporter even dedicated one of her more infamous songs, Ladylike, to Chelsea’s mama.

And for the record, here are the lyrics to that aforementioned tender ballad:

Ladylike

I’m sorry ‘bout your girl
Little center of the universe
Access turns the world and
You’ll need a jet to get to her

And all the way she moves
Attracts all kinds of focus
From all over the room
She smokes
Not ladylike
She’s not ladylike

Well I’m so sorry about your wife
She’s up and off and running
Going on with her own life
Word to your mother: she’s stunning
And there’s a part of you
That’s just a little scared of her

Access turns the world and
You’ll need a jet to get to her
She’s great and she knows how to wear your pants
And the rest of your clothes

What the f**k is ladylike
If lady’s like to do what the f**k they like
Just like you yeah just like you
Look out, man, here comes another one…

On my knees or on all fours
From underneath
Hear me roar

What the f**k is ladylike
If lady’s like to do what the f**k they like
Just like you yeah just like you
Look out, man, here comes

What the f**k is ladylike
If lady’s like to do what the f**k they like
Just like you yeah just like you
Look out, man, here comes

What the f**k is ladylike?

Well, at least Mrs. Clinton seems “ladylike” to someone.

This article was posted by Steve on Monday, April 14th, 2008. Comments are currently closed.

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