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Global Warming Causes Married Couples To Cheat

From the Miami New Times:

Global Warming Makes Couples Cheat, Says Dating Website

By Ciara LaVelle | May 28, 2014

If you’re married in Miami, you might want to get out of town this summer. No, not to avoid the hurricanes — to avoid a nasty divorce. A new report blames global warming for rising rates of infidelity, especially bad news for couples in Miami, where rising tides and raging hurricanes remind us all how much extracurricular sex we could be having on a daily basis.

Victoria Milan, a dating website for people looking to cheat on their significant other, surveyed 5,000 of its members, both men and women. A shocking 72% of them responded that yes, their own Al Gore-esque stress about unpredictable weather is the cause of their extra-marital dalliances. Guess the fact of their existing committed relationships was just an inconvenient truth.

Is there anything that global warming can’t do? Still, shouldn’t Al Gore be named as a correspondent in any subsequent divorce cases?

Survey respondents also reported that they’re more likely to sneak a little on the side in hot weather than in cold. That makes sense — after all, which would you say is sexier, a steamy Miami day or a polar vortex?

"Summer loving is something everyone experiences when they’re growing up, and the excitement and thrill of doing something a bit naughty never fades," explains Victoria Milan CEO and founder Sigurd Vedal [sic] in a statement. "It’s no surprise that one half of a couple feels the itch when the weather warms up."

So let’s recap: hot, unpredictable weather makes for unfaithful partners. Just when you thought your hope of finding true love in Miami had hit rock bottom, a story like this comes along to prove there’s even farther to fall. But hey, we’ll all be underwater in 15 years anyway, right?

If you believe the sea levels are rising, you will believe that global warming causes infidelity, too. Why not?

This article was posted by Steve on Thursday, May 29th, 2014. Comments are currently closed.

6 Responses to “Global Warming Causes Married Couples To Cheat”

  1. canary says:

    Maybe foreigners go to Florida when it’s warm and work on having anchor babies.

  2. BillK says:

    I can hear it now – “Come on honey, the stress of worrying about climate change was such that I had no choice but to sleep with her for the release,”

  3. Rusty Shackleford says:

    “Is there anything that global warming can’t do?”

    Can it core a apple?


  4. yadayada says:

    it’s just in the human psyche -if you’re seriously committed to cheating on your spouse, any excuse will do and nothing much will stop you.
    and in our culture of “we can neither blame, nor hold accountable, any victim of any perceived injustice” it makes sense to find more outlets of blame for immoral behavior.

  5. phil-l says:

    The author appears to be exaggerating “raging hurricanes”, which weakens the points she attempts to make: As of the beginning of the 2014 hurricane season, a major hurricane – Category 3 or stronger – hasn’t hit the US coast since Wilma in 2005, which is the longest such gap we’ve had since records have been kept.

    Feel free to use science to understand the human condition; there’s no need to make things up.

    • yadayada says:

      phil – I understand your point, hurricanes are categorized for a reason, and though cat 2 can be scary, they’re not really too dangerous.

      but…. I’ve also been on a frigate out of Norfolk dodging a tropical storm (Andrew) and also on the edge of a small hurricane (Charley).
      when your little beer can boat spends 10 – 20% of it’s time playing submarine in the swells, it’s a raging !!

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