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Iran Puts Turtles, Rats, Worms Into Space

From a bemused Associated Press:

Iran sends rocket with animal menagerie into space

By Ali Akbar Dareini, Associated Press Writer

February 3, 2010

TEHRAN, Iran – Iran announced Wednesday it has successfully launched a research rocket carrying a mouse, two turtles and worms into space — a feat President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said showed Iran could defeat the West in the battle of technology.

Ahmadinejad also unveiled the model of a light booster rocket that is being built and three new, Iranian-built satellites, touted as the latest achievements in the country’s ambitious space program.

The Iranian space program has worried Western powers, which fear the same technology used to launch satellites and research capsules could also be used to build long-range intercontinental missiles and deliver warheads.

A U.S. defense expert said there was no scientific purpose to launching such animals into space and that the launch was likely more aimed at boosting Iran’s prestige…

The launch of the rocket Kavoshgar-3, which means Explorer-3 in Farsi, was announced by Defense Minister Gen. Ahmad Vahidi to mark the National Day of Space Technology. It comes a year after Iran sent its first domestically made telecommunications satellite, called Omid, or Hope, into orbit for 40 days.

Iran’s state TV broadcast images Wednesday of officials putting a mouse, two turtles and about a dozen creatures that looked like worms inside a capsule in the rocket, which appeared to be about 10 feet long. TV then aired footage of the rocket blasting off.

Vahidi gave no details on the research, and there was no information on what experiment the animals would serve on board. The report also did not disclose when or where the launch took place.

Iran’s lofty space plans also include putting a man in orbit within 10 years.

Ahmadinejad praised the latest launch and said greater events would come in the future.

"The scientific arena is where we should defeat the (West’s) domination," Ahmadinejad said in remarks broadcast live on state TV. He said the launch is a "very big event. This is the first presence of animals in space launched by Iran. It’s the start of bigger achievements."

The ceremony Wednesday was part of 10-day celebrations leading up to 31st anniversary of the Islamic Revolution, which falls on Feb 11.

The Los Angeles Times adds to the menagerie:

State television aired footage of the flying Kavoshgar-3. Photos posted to news websites showed a rat strapped into a space pod. Reports said two turtles and worms were also aboard.

We laugh.

But how soon before NASA will have to start outsourcing manned spaceflights to Iran?

That is, if the Iranians haven’t converted all their rockets to nuclear armed ICBMs.

This article was posted by Steve on Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010. Comments are currently closed.

17 Responses to “Iran Puts Turtles, Rats, Worms Into Space”

  1. proreason says:

    More evidence of the magnificent accomplishments of the Muslim world, as Obamy has so breathlessly told us so many times.

  2. artboyusa says:

    ABU ‘N’ TARIQ, the Angry Muslim Brothers, star in “Mullah to the Moon”!

    “This harness is most constricting, my brother. I can hardly move”.

    “Of course it is, Abu. You need to be strapped right in when the rocket explodes on the launch pad – I mean, soars gloriously into orbit like a newborn star”.

    “You kind of freak me out when you say stuff like that, Tariq”.

    “A thousand apologies, Abu, for my careless misspeaking. I guess I’m a little nervous, for this is such a big event. Imagine, my own brother the first Muslim to be launched to a fiery death in space, I mean to a world-shaking achievement for Islamic science!”

    “I thought we just bought this rocket off the shelf from the Russians or the Chinese or somebody”.

    “It was the French – er, no it wasn’t. Nuh uh! This rocket is all Iranian, 100% Persian made, using state of the art Islamic technology. Honest”.

    “Oh, great. Say, what’s my job title again? I keep forgetting”.

    “Holy Space Martyr – no, sorry. ‘Islamonaut’ – yeah, that’s it”.

    “Islamonaut, huh? That sounds okay, I guess, but couldn’t they have tested the rocket out first? You know, with a monkey or a dog or something?”

    “Abu! You shock me – those beasts are unclean! Would you have the first Muslim space launch defiled by such creatures?”

    “Um…I guess not”.

    “Besides, the Holy Koran teaches us to be compassionate towards the animals”.

    “Yeah? Since when?”

    “And we did try it out earlier on some turtles and such like”.

    “Truly? How did that work out?”

    “So many questions! Relax, my brother and think on the triumph that awaits you inshallah! You shall be a hero to Muslims everywhere! All of Iran shall sing your praises – from the towering minarets of Isfahan to the sticky pools of Qum!”

    “I only wish I was going to be alive to see it…”

    “Tut tut. Alive is overrated, my brother. Now, let’s just get you into your space turban – there we go – and now we’ll just apply your space gag. Okay – how’s that, Abu?”

    “Mmmmpppfff…”

    “That’ll muffle the screams nicely. Hey, why are you glaring at me like that, my brother?”

    • Rusty Shackleford says:

      “Islamonaut” LOL

      ABUSA, you have me rolling. If you don’t already, you need a column someplace to keep America laughing.

      Thanks so much for your creative bent and for sharing it with all of us.

    • jobeth says:

      How about a skit writer for a consevative answer to SNL?
      ABUSA? ArtBoy, are you sure you aren’t one of….”them”? That accronym sort of sounds muslim… .:-D.

    • artboyusa says:

      Thanks for your generous comments, friends. One tries. And jobeth, I may be a lot of things -an Elder of Zion, an Illuminatus, a practicing heterosexual, a lapsed Episcopalian, a member of the vast Right wing conspiracy but one of “them” I am definitely not…or am I? The truth will forever remain hidden in the shadows of the world wide interweb, inshallah…

    • jobeth says:

      ABUSA…

      Whew!!! Thank goodness!

      What? Me paranoid? lol

      Wait a dang minute….’a practicing hetrosexual’… I knew it!!

      Seriously, you are a bright spot here and I wasn’t kidding about the skit thing. You’d be great asset for some comedy group.

    • Reality Bytes says:

      For a minute I thought Rahm, Waxman & Fwank had switched sides (i.e. Rat, Worm & Turtle).

      ABUSA (as if that’s your real name)…you are a classic!

  3. eaglewingz08 says:

    What happened to the partridge in a pear tree? The real results will be if they broadcast the return of the rocket live and open the door and find that all these creatures died hideous deaths in space. But then, that would be Allah’s judgment on these creatures, that maybe they were western spies whom Allah mercifully killed before they could betray state secrets. Or maybe they were secretly homosexual animals whom Allah in his mercy killed to uphold sharia law. Or maybe these animals were of mixed sexes and Allah in his mercy killed them for immodesty.

  4. pianogirl88 says:

    Where’s PETA when you really need them? :~)

  5. JohnMG says:

    …..” a mouse, two turtles and worms…..”

    What was the name of that game show where the answer had to be in the form of a question?

    “Hey Abdul, what’s for dinner?”

    But this line is even funnier; ……”Iran’s lofty space plans also include putting a man in orbit within 10 years……’

    OK, but when do you plan on bringing him back?

    Just like the joke says; “I gave my wife a trip to Rome for our 10th anniversary. For our 25th I’m giving her tickets home.”

  6. Gladius et Scutum says:

    When I first saw the passenger list, I thought they’d sent the Supreme Guardian Council.

  7. canary says:

    Iran’s latest war armor technology, The little mouse with the suicide pack strapped to him, lays until the turtles crawl over to the baited remote control, the wet worms wiggle as their moisture will cause the explosion to intensify. According to the man who ran against Armadman, they both played with bombs since they were children.

    On a serious note, we should be prepared for terrorists to use more innovative means

    photo of inside Iran’s space facility
    http://www.isna.ir/ISNA/PicView.aspx?Pic=Pic-1486342-12&Lang=P

    Iran’s version International CNN being telecast

    CNN: Iran claims launch turtles, rodent into space
    by Barry Neild Feb 3 2010

    U.S. State Department says Iran’s space ambitions are a cause for “grave concern”
    NEW: Fars news agency says creatures on board had returned to Earth
    .
    The official Islamic Republic News Agency said the “home-built” Kavoshgar-3, or Explorer-3 rocket was launched at a ceremony to commemorate this month’s anniversary of the 1979 Islamic Revolution that overthrew Iran’s monarchy.

    Iran,…, is expected to mount a series of high profile events to mark the anniversary.

    State-run Press TV quoted Iranian Defense Minister Brig. Gen. Ahmad Vahidi declaring the launch a success and describing Iran’s space program as “peaceful.”…

    Last year the U.S. State Department expressed “grave concern” over Iran’s announcement it was planning a series of satellite launches.

    “Developing a space launch vehicle that could… put a satellite into orbit could possibly lead to development of a ballistic missile system,” State Department deputy spokesman Robert Wood said…

    The Pentagon called the plan “clearly a concern of ours.”

    “Although this appears to be [a] satellite,…. a concern to us and everybody in region,” Defense Department spokesman Geoff Morrell said at the time.

    The United States is among nations expanding sanctions against Tehran…

    IRNA said the rocket launched Wednesday was “designed to send consecutive aerial images to ground and measure environmental information.”

    Press TV quoted Iranian space officials saying live video transmission and telemetry would allow further studies on the rat — named Helmz-1 — turtles and worms during their space voyage…

  8. tyroneshoelaces says:

    Turtles, rats and worms? Is there anyone left in the Iranian government?

  9. DANEgerus says:

    I’m gonna say it….

    Well that opens up a whole can-o-worms!

  10. jobeth says:

    “Iran will deliver telling blow to global powers on Feb. 11′ ”

    Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad says the nation will deliver a harsh blow to the “global arrogance” on this year’s anniversary of the Islamic Revolution.

    http://www.presstv.ir/detail.aspx?id=117545&sectionid=351020101

    Just a thought. Could this launch just be a cover for a test for a nuclear rocket to be aimed at…say Israel…or some other western country on the 11th?

  11. DoctorRock says:

    Why is the rat in the photograph wearing a brassiere? Some obscure Sharian dictate perhaps?

  12. wirenut says:

    Maybe off point here. Sending (soon to be space cadavers) to orbit, by Islam. “IS” the next step. Remember, we would only afford monkeys in our early years. If Islam is able to send life forms to orbit, missiles will be surly to follow.


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