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Kennedy To Be Knighted By The Queen

From an elated New York Daily News:

Call him Sir Ted Kennedy: Senator will be knighted by Queen Elizabeth

BY Michael Saul   

Wednesday, March 4th 2009

The Lion of the Senate is becoming a British Knight. Just don’t call him Sir Edward.

Prime Minister Gordon Brown revealed Wednesday that Queen Elizabeth is awarding honorary knighthood to Sen. Ted Kennedy, the ailing scion of one of the nation’s most famous and storied political families.

Kennedy (D-Mass), who is arguably the country’s best-known Irish-American, was diagnosed with a malignant brain tumor last May and underwent surgery. Kennedy was not present Wednesday when Brown announced the honor during a speech before a joint meeting of Congress.

Brown, the fifth British Prime Minister to give a speech to both houses of Congress, specifically cited Kennedy’s work in the Northern Ireland peace process as a reason for the honor.

"Northern Ireland today is at peace. More Americans have health care. Children around the world are going to school," Brown said. "And for all those things, we owe a great debt to the life and courage of Sen. Edward Kennedy."

Unlike British citizens who are honored with knighthoods, Kennedy will not be given the title "Sir Ted" because he is a foreign recipient

With the honorary knighthood, Kennedy joins a number of other prominent Americans who have received the honor, including former Mayor Rudy Giuliani, computer software king Bill Gates, movie director Steven Spielberg and former presidents Ronald Reagan and George H.W. Bush.

It was unclear yesterday whether Kennedy would travel to London to receive the honor personally from the Queen. No date has been set for a ceremony…

Mr. Brown seems to be a little confused:

More Americans have health care… "And for all those things, we owe a great debt to the life and courage of Sen. Edward Kennedy."

We thought just the opposite was true. Aren’t we constantly told by Mr. Kennedy’s confreres that more Americans than ever are without health care?

But we suspect he was flailing around for something positive to say about the “old lion.”

By the way, notice that the Daily News article actually contradicts its own headline. And the piece itself notes, foreigners who receive honorary knighthoods are not called, “sir.”

But worse still, the reporter and the rest of our watchdog media seem oblivious to the fact that it is un-Constitutional for anyone holding a federal office to receive any title, without the consent of Congress:

U.S. Constitution – Article 1 Section 9

No Title of Nobility shall be granted by the United States: And no Person holding any Office of Profit or Trust under them, shall, without the Consent of the Congress, accept of any present, Emolument, Office, or Title, of any kind whatever, from any King, Prince or foreign State.

Of course Congress would almost certainly give its consent. But they probably won’t even be asked. Why bother?

The Constitution being such a quaint old thing, these days. And the Kennedys being considered royalty already for so long.

Still, we can’t help but wonder why the Soviet Union Russia isn’t showering accolades on its old champion and helpmeet?

(Thanks to ArtboyUSA for the heads up.)

This article was posted by Steve on Thursday, March 5th, 2009. Comments are currently closed.

43 Responses to “Kennedy To Be Knighted By The Queen”

  1. artboyusa says:

    Madness! Madness! Hot of the presses at the Wall Street Journal:

    Sen. Kennedy Receives Honorary Knighthood

    Susan Davis reports on politics.

    British Prime Minister Gordon Brown announced before a joint session of Congress today that Massachusetts Sen. Edward Kennedy has been awarded an honorary knighthood by Queen Elizabeth II.

    The news was met by a standing ovation from the lawmakers assembled in the House chamber, including Vice President Joe Biden and Speaker Nancy Pelosi.

    Kennedy’s knighthood is awarded for his efforts to reform health care in the U.S. and globally, as well as his efforts to aid the peace process in Ireland.

    “I accept this honor in the spirit in which it is given, with a continuing commitment to be a voice for the voiceless and for the shared ideals of freedom and fairness which are so fundamental to the character of our two countries,” Kennedy said in a statement.

    The ailing Massachusetts senator has been spending time in Florida and was not present for Brown’s address.


    • JohnMG says:

      How appropriate. We shall now be able to address him as “Slur Edward M (Ted) Kennedy”. Thish ish jusht about perfect.

      Once again, let me state that I wish him no harm——I just hope he gets what he has coming to him!

  2. Odie44 says:

    Camelot is complete…

  3. BillK says:

    As we’ve seen too often recently, the Constitution only becomes an issue if there is someone with “standing” who is harmed.

    As there is no one with “standing” who could ever be harmed by this, no court would ever even look at it. :(

  4. Colonel1961 says:

    Quite possibly the most abhorrent and disingenuous person alive. I’d rather hang out with Snoop Dog…

    The ‘Lion of the Senate’, my ass.

  5. 1laidbackRN says:

    There was a time when this actually meant something, but I believe that has passed.

  6. reefdiver says:

    Wonder what Mary Jo Kopechne’s family thinks about this “honor”?

  7. “there is no place like the constitution..”

    Click Click Click

    “there is no place like the constitution..”

    Click Click Click

    “there is no place like the constitution..”

    Click Click Snap…

    Oh damn.. my heel broke… no going home now

  8. Euryale says:

    Senator Chivas. Regal indeed.

  9. Melly says:

    I question whether Queen Lizzy even knows who Teddy is………:/

  10. proreason says:

    Poster boy for the decline of the west.

  11. dalej78 says:

    Mary Jo Kopechne will be there in spirit. Wow, you can murder an innocent teen and be knighted by the Queen of England. I guess there is always hope for the sinner!

  12. artboyusa says:

    I know we’re supposed to lay off him because he’s ill and he now thinks his name is “Jed Tennedy” and all that but, hey, the Kennedys never layed off on anyone, ever, so tough noogies for him. Here’s one from the Artboy Archives; a look back at Jed’s early years, excerpted from a longer series called

    Chapter Two: “A Visit from the Docktor”
    Rated “R” for language and Kennedy-related situations.

    It wasn’t his fault. It never was. He was only drunk and speeding in a residential area while driving without a licence, which as a Kennedy he was perfectly entitled to do, but the cops still put on their sirens and chased him anyway. He’d driven straight home, like anyone else would, and pulled into the driveway and shut off the lights and crawled as far under the front seat as he could go, like any law-abiding citizen, but, somehow, the cops had still found him and even after he used the secret code words that always get Kennedys out of trouble –“Do you know who I am?” – they’d still arrested him and now he was in a jam –again.

    Ted took another belt of Night Train. Mmmm. Fortified. He recalled his father’s furious anger.

    “This is the last time, Tad! The last time! I told you what would happen if you fucked up again, didn’t I?”


    “Yes, what?”

    “Yes sir, Your Excellency Mr Ambassador, Sir”.

    “And did you hear what I told you?”

    “Yes sir, Your Excellency Mr Ambassador, Sir”.

    “But you didn’t understand, did you, Tad? You heard me but you didn’t understand me. Now, why is that? Maybe there’s something wrong with you, Tad. Maybe there’s something wrong inside your head, Tad, and that’s why YOU ALWAYS FUCK EVERYTHING UP!”

    “Please, Dad…”

    “SHUT UP! Don’t ‘Dad’ me! Don’t say another word. I’m going to fix this problem, Tad – for good. I’m going to help you, since you can’t help yourself. I’ve got someone here, a doctor who can make you better. You want to be better, don’t you Tad?”

    Oh no.

    A white coated man, who reminded Ted a little of the actor Gregory Peck, entered the room, followed by a shorter, hulking figure.

    “Tad, this is Herr Docktor Mengele and his assistant, Herr Bormann. The doctor’s an old friend of mine. I’ve had him come up here all the way from Brazil to help you”.

    “Gut to meet you, young mann” hissed the Docktor. “You are a most handsome specimen. Haff you perhaps ein twin brother or sister? Nein? Too bad – perhaps you may haff been useful in mein ozzer areas uff research”.

    Please God. Save me.

    “Do you think you can help him, Doc?” asked Old Joe.

    “Ach, ja! I have mit cases uf zis nature much experienze. Vell, let us commenze to azzist zis young mann. Bormannn! Herr Ambassador! Greifen Sie ihn! Seize him!”

    His father and the second hulking figure grabbed Ted and hurled him on to the table, holding him down with arms like, well, like guys who were really strong, I guess.

    “Yeep” Ted squealed.

    “It’s okay, er…son” his father said soothingly, tightly gripping a handful of Ted’s thick, dark hair. “Don’t worry. Dad’s here”.

    Ted popped open another Colt .44 and shivered at the memory.

    “Ja, keep quite still, jung mann” said the Docktor. “It iz a most simple und quick procedure. Soon, no more pain. No more confusion. You vill like that, yes?”

    The Docktor swabbed Ted’s forehead with alcohol and jabbed him with a little novocaine. Nice, thought Ted.

    Mengele produced a simple wooden hand drill and bit from his lab coat pocket. The frenzied German jammed it between Ted’s goggling, terrified eyes and began to drill furiously.

    “So! Ve are so soon where ve vant to be. Let uz haff a little feel around…” he began to probe inside Ted’s skull with an urgent finger. “Somezing? Nein. Somezing? Nein….hmmmm.”

    Mengele probed more deeply, swirling the exploratory digit restlessly around. “Ach! No, nuzzing. Nuzzing at all”. He withdrew the gooey finger and licked it clean.

    “Herr Ambassador, I detect nuzzing in ze head of zis boy except ein arrangement of rudimentary nerve ganglia, such as you find in ze more primitive invertebrates, such as Lumbricus terrestris, ze common earthworm or nightcrawler. I cannot vizout straw make bricks, Joe. There iz zimply here nothing for me to werk mit”.

    “You mean you can’t help him?”

    “Nein, Exzellenz. Zis case iz beyond even mein powers. He cannot be cured. He must remain as Gott haz made him”.

    “Oh, well; if that’s how it has to be. Dänke, Josef. And you too, Martin. I’ll cable the rest of your fee to the ODESSA account, as we discussed, and some of my people will help you get home safely”.

    “Home?” the Docktor sighed. “Mein Heimat? If only it vere so…”

    He quickly plugged the hole in Ted’s skull with a little dab of Play-Do.

    “Komm, Bormann; ve must go. Und you, young mann” he said to Ted, playfully slapping his cheek “You are vun lucky little fellow, ja?”

    After the Germans had left, Ted gingerly sat up on the table. His head hurt. He was confused.

    “Too fucking dumb even to be lobotomized – now that’s one for the books” muttered the Ambassador.

    “What – what are you gonna do with me?” whispered Ted fearfully.

    “I don’t have a choice, Tad. With your, er, special qualifications, there’s only one place for you”.

    Oh no. Please no.

    “That’s right, Tad. You’re going to be Senator from Massachusetts – forever”.

    • Colonel1961 says:

      Another artboyusa classic – we are blessed.

    • caligirl9 says:

      artboy, seriously, I think you should consider having a collection of your literature published. Even if it’s just a limited-run or vanity press, I’d buy a copy. The illustrations to today’s fairy tale would be most delightful!

      ‘Tis excellent literature! Bravo! *standing ovation*

    • Liberals Demise says:

      I smell a “BRIDGE” with his name on it……..soon!!

    • Barbie says:

      Too dumb to be lobotomized. HAH – PERFECT!

  13. jrmcdonald says:

    Tell your children about a time when men like Churchill were Knighted and Albert Schweizer got the Nobel prize…

  14. Alice L. says:

    Joan Kennedy, Ted’s former wife, is also unavailable for comment. I feel so sorry for that woman. I guess the current wife will be “Lady Teddy”.

  15. Reality Bytes says:

    I didn’t know Barney Frank was into that whole Sir Lancelot thing.

    Speaking of Men in Tights…


    • GL0120 says:

      Barney “We’re a dysfunctional family” Frank and Richard Simmons fought it out to see who would do the knighting; I guess the best queen won.

    • Liberals Demise says:

      RB….that is pure funny, man!!
      Barney Fwank is a “LANCE” alot or a “LANCED” alot!!

    • Reality Bytes says:

      Come to think of it, Barney Frank touching his sword on each of Ted’s shoulders while he kneels is a little too disturbing even for me.

  16. Right of the People says:

    Sir Fredo, retarded brother of Jack and Bobby. I think I’m going to throw up.

  17. 12 Gauge Rage says:

    The madness of the queen mum. “I knight thee Sir Osis of Liver.”

  18. joeblough says:

    I think Her Majesty has been losing it for a couple of years now.

    Trouble is, I don’t get it that the next in line crowd is particularly sane.

    There’s a young one who actually served as a soldier. Maybe he’s got his marbles.

    Poor England. It was nice while it lasted.

    • dulcimergrl says:

      You do realize that QEII has been queen since 1953, don’t you? Dang, that’s the year I was born! She doesn’t show any signs of going belly-up any time soon, and her mother (the Queen Mum) lived to be over 100. So I think it’s pretty likely that ole’ Charles will never get a chance to be king. I expect his son, William, will be crowned someday, if there’s still an England. Not that the royals do a whole lot other than hang around looking royal.

    • joeblough says:


      I’m not casting aspersions really.

      It’s entirely forgivable if she’s falling apart, especially after 50+ years on the throne.

      But, she’s been, how do I say, strangely unprotective of her kingdom lately, especially in the face of the mohammedan onslaught.

      What, for example, would Henry VIII have said about the current Rowan Williams?

      The British homeland itself has more or less fallen into Saracen hands without so much as firing a shot. And the royal house has no objections ?!?!?!?

      So far as knighting disgraced Kennedy is concerned, she is knighting him for what? What could she possibly be thinking?

      Has he done something for England? Hell, has he done something for America?

      Is she thinking at all, or simply sinking into her, perhaps well deserved, dotage?


      So far as the royals just hanging around is concerned, I think it’s high time they reconsidered that idea. I certainly would. They do have a rather impressive heritage to defend you know.

      Although as I implied, given the current crop, I’m not sure which would be worse for England.

  19. Lisa22 says:

    To be fair, I think the Queen’s a bit out of touch and probably got a lot of pressure to knight him. Maybe she thought he was another Kennedy?

  20. artboyusa says:

    If you can stand it, here’s a rerun of my “scoop” about how Ted disappeared his first wife, writing her and 22 years of marriage out of his official biography.

    When you visit his official website (wwww.kennedy.senate.gov – go ahead, your taxes are paying for it) to catch up on what he’s been getting away with lately you’ll find that, as well as statements about Iraq that haven’t been updated since 2006 (no surprise there) that in the “Senator Kennedy’s Bio” section the Conscience of the Senate makes no mention whatever of Joan Kennedy (neé Bennett), his first wife and the mother of his three acknowledged hatchlings. Search the site for her and you’ll get O returns.

    She’s gone, baby, gone. A non-person. Disappeared. She never happened. Instead, we’ve got this: “Kennedy lives in Hyannis Port, Massachusetts, with his wife Victoria Reggie Kennedy. Together, they have five children –Kara, Edward Jr and Patrick Kennedy, and Curran and Caroline Raclin. They also have four grandchildren”.

    I bet that that brutal “Together, they have five children”, when three of them are HER kids, had poor Joan staggering back into rehab pronto. That unhappy woman; she’s usually described as “troubled” but how troubled, exactly? Well, Google “Joan Kennedy” and the first three hits you get are “Fall revives Joan Kennedy’s struggle with alcohol”, “Kennedy’s Cape Cod home put on market” and “Kennedy’s children become her guardians”. That’s enough trouble for anybody.

    How’d she get that way? As usual with the Kennedys, it’s a sad, cruel story, and here’s how it happened, kinda:

    TED KENNEDY, the DOGGED ACHIEVER*, stars in “Joan Who?”

    Ted knocked back another slug of rum and gazed fondly at the faded, gold framed photograph of his first wife. Joan. Oh, my Joanie. Joan – so beautiful and so doomed.

    Ted took a sip of his highball and thought back about how it had all begun with so much love and hope and how it had all gone so wrong.

    He remembered that special day in 1957, making an appointment to see his Dad, and then, that even more special day late in 1958 when he finally got in to see him. Ted recalled waiting on the bench outside his father’s office. Gotta pee, he thought, but if I get up I could lose my place. Gotta try to hold it…

    After His Excellency the Ambassador had to take care of his other business– first with Sam from the Chicago outfit, (Hey, kid” the squat Sicilian had said. “How’s tricks?” “Hi, Uncle Momo” answered Teddy) then Pabletta, the Ambassador’s personal masseuse, and her friend Candy, then Tony from Atlantic City, followed by Richard Cardinal Cushing, personifying so perfectly the majesty of the Church, then after 18 holes of golf and lunch, it was finally time for Ted’s appointment.

    “Oh shit; are you still here?”

    “Hi, uh, Dad”

    “Don’t ‘Dad’ me. Cut the crap. Wadda you want now, Tad? Is it money? Are you in some kind of trouble again?”

    “No, Dad. I want to, uh, get married”.

    “Oh, jeez… Well, you better sit down – not the good chair, you could have one of your accidents. The other one”.

    Nervously, Ted had told his father of his feelings and desires.

    “I love her, Dad, and I want to marry her. I, uh, hope I’ll have your blessing”.

    “I could test her out for you, Tad” leered the old man. “Waddaya say? Make sure everything works all right downtown? You don’t wanna get hitched to a dud, now do you?”

    “Please, Dad” said Ted in a quiet voice. “Not this time. Not again. Please”.

    “Aw, get outta here, I was just kidding. You can keep this one. Now amscray; I’m busy writing this letter to the Pope telling him how to handle those lousy Jews”.

    The old man waved his big, freckled hand in dismissal.

    “Then its –okay?”

    “Sure, Tad. Fine. Whatever. Now get lost”.

    “Thanks, Dad, thanks! O boy! Wait’ll I, uh, tell everybody! O boy!”

    “Fucking retard” muttered Old Joe as his youngest son skipped away down the hall.

    At first Ted and Joan were so happy and so much in love. Every day passed in a golden haze of joy but, before very long, dark and sombre shadows appeared. She seemed to be everything he needed –blonde, hot, not too bright, good breeder – but, alas, Joan was not the woman he thought her to be, not at all. She was a deeply flawed person and each day her imperfections became more glaring, more obvious, more painful, to him.

    She aged, for example. Despite Ted’s clear instructions to stay eternally young, after just a few years of marriage Joan was looking distinctly older. What a cruel trick! She was doing it on purpose – just to spite him!

    She also expected him to be “around” and to help “raise” their children. Didn’t she understand that he had other, more important, things to do? He came home at Christmas most years – wasn’t that enough?

    She didn’t understand about his, um, personal requirements, either. As a virile Kennedy male, he had certain manly needs which needed to be ministered to on a daily, sometimes hourly, basis. Not only was she not always available for him, she actually objected when he went elsewhere for that oh-so necessary relief. It was so unfair!

    His sisters had tried to help Joan see her responsibilities –“breathe through your noise” they’d advised her. “Just lie there and pray for it to be over” Mother Rose had counselled – but it was no good. No good at all.

    She let him down with the children, too. She actually had the gall to miscarry his fourth seedling –selfish bitch! It was only a couple of weeks after the thing- we- don’t- talk- about at Chappaquiddick happened, so it wasn’t like he was in any way responsible.

    Ted poured himself another glass of Absolut. Then there was the drinking…the fights, the embarrassments, the public humiliation, the multiple DWIs, the recurring trips to Rehab. It was a terrible burden having to live with an alcoholic. He knew all about that…

    It was the women’s fault, really. All they ever caused were problems. Every time some Kennedy male got in trouble, there was some woman right next to him; getting splattered with his brains or lying on the ground under him getting raped or being paralyzed when he flipped the Jeep over or nagging him that he was flying the plane upside down into the ocean – “I know what I’m doing, Carolyn. Quit screaming!” or hammering desperately on the window as the car filled with water –“Ted! Don’t leave me! I’m afraid!”

    Nag, nag, nag. Me, me, me. I’ve got brains in my hair. I’m paralyzed. I’m raped. I’m drowning. I’m dead. It was always something with them, always something. Joan was no different. His Dad had tried to warn him.

    “What are wives for, Tad?” the venerable tycoon asked as they stood together outside the cathedral on Ted’s wedding day, surrounded by all the teeming, swarming family, the murmuring priests and nuns, the clouds of incense, the banks of flowers, the State Troopers, the Swiss Guards sent over specially from the Vatican, Dad’s old German friends up from Brazil, the dazzling Hollywood royalty –hey! That’s Peter Lawford!

    “To, uh, love, honor and cherish?”

    “No, dummy!” said Old Joe, giving Ted a playful belt in the head with his heavy fist. “What’s the matter with you? Wise up! To bear our kids and take our shit, that’s what. Jeeez. You want plenty of kids, Tad. You always need lotsa back stock in case of accidents and plane crashes or if any of them turn out to be a…disappointment. Take my tip, Tad. Knock her up fast and keep her knocked up. Then she’s always busy with other stuff and you can do what the hell you want”.

    “Like sailing?”

    “Sure, Tad – sailing. That’s what I’m talking about”.

    “I like sailing”.

    “You fucking retard. C’mon; lets go and get this over with…that poor girl”.

    Then, after so many years, it was finally over. She’d clung to his side, a walking Al-Anon poster, through the 1980 campaign, when America had foolishly spurned his bold leadership but after that…well, what could he do?

    He couldn’t be expected to stay home and look after her or try to make her happy, could he? He had his family’s devotion to public service to think about. And anyway, why should he? Not after everything she’d done. It was too late for her to change and, frankly, she’d got in the way of his happiness for too long.

    The divorce was a mess, of course. “Irretrievable breakdown” –ha! She was the one who was broken down, he was doing great. Nothing the matter with Ted! Cost him $4 mil but it was worth it, a bargain, in fact. Getting the Church to bless his second loving union had cost him lots more. Lots.

    Poor, uh, Joan; she, uh, didn’t deserve me, thought Ted, dropping her picture into the wastebasket before mixing himself another gin and tonic. She sure didn’t.

    * “Ted Kennedy -The Dogged Achiever”. TIME cover story April 14, 2006.

    • caligirl9 says:

      Truly a tragic play of Shakespearean proportions!

      Starring a newly-resurrected Mickey Roarke as Ted, Susan Sarandon as Joan and Meryl Streep as Victoria.
      I considered casting Julia Roberts as Victoria but I think she’s too young.

  21. canary says:

    Why would you make a dying man who once drove off a bridge, leaving a maiden to drown:” a knight.

    • GL0120 says:

      Details, let’s not quibble.
      After all, his family did so much for this country; let’s see, rum running, wiretaps, voter fraud… .

  22. mjcarroll says:

    For our British friends, can we make a deal?

    Don’t hold our American aristocrats or their crimes against us, and we won’t hold the mistakes of your royalty against you. God bless the Queen, she’s knighting a bootlegger, a manslaughterer, a champion of all that is in emnity with faith and freedom. God bless Teddy, and grant him true repentance. Don’t think that knighthoods count for much in the afterlife.

    • GL0120 says:

      “God bless Teddy?”
      I thought that the Messiah absolved Teddy of all his sins just after the election.
      Forgiving Teddy would a career achievement for any other god but TCO handled it with ease.

  23. artboyusa says:

    My Dad, despite being a hardline liberal, has always despised Ted – until lately. Now he’s like “The poor guy; he could die at any minute” and I’m like “Well, he’s taking his time about it” and then he looks at me like I’m being all harsh and ungenerous (which I am, but its Ted, so who cares?)

    This knighthod is starting to look a little ill-timed. You may have seen that this weekend two British soldiers were murdered (shot in the head as they lay wounded on the ground) and four other people (including two pizza delivery guys) were wounded by the same IRA terrorist scum for whom Ted has always expressed such solidarity and admiration.

    As far as the Queen goes, she’s great. Here’s at true story. A few years back she was having an audience at Buckingham Palace with Clare Short, a minor Labour minister, now deceased. In the middle of the meeting Clare’s mobile rings. The Queen raises an eyebrow:

    “Someone important?” she says.

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