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Nigerian Police Hold Goat – For Car Theft

From one of Nigeria’s two principle newspapers, the Vanguard:

The goat "robbery suspect"

Police parade goat as robbery suspect

Written by Demola Akinyemi  
Friday, 23 January 2009

For attempting to ‘steal’ a Mazda car

It was a shocking sight yesterday as men of the Kwara State Police Command paraded a goat as an armed robbery suspect.

The goat "suspect" is being detained over an alleged attempt to snatch a Mazda car. The mysterious goat, according to the Police Public Relations Officer, Mr. Tunde Mohammed, while briefing bewildered journalists at the Force headquarters, is an armed robber who attempted to snatch the said car, Wednesday night, and later transformed into the goat in a bid to escape arrest.

He explained that men of a vigilance group in Anifowose Ipata/Oloje areas of the state capital had chased two armed robbery suspects who wanted to demobilise the Mazda car with the intention of stealing it, and "while one of them escaped, the other was about to be apprehended by the team when he turned his back on the wall and turned to this goat. They quickly grabbed the goat and here it is.’’ Mohammed said.

The police spokesman said the goat "armed robbery suspect" will not be left off the hook until investigations into the case are concluded.

He also said that no fewer than five stolen vehicles have been recovered by the state Police Command while some suspects were also arrested. Among those arrested, he said was one Idowu Oni of Araromi area of Akure who escaped from Akure Prison.

He added that the escaped convict was arrested in Ilorin after stealing a Mazda 323 car belonging to Mrs. Henrietta Ayijesu.

He also said another armed robbery and rape suspect was in their custody, assuring that the suspects will soon appear in court.

Why not?

It could happen.

This article was posted by Steve on Saturday, January 24th, 2009. Comments are currently closed.

41 Responses to “Nigerian Police Hold Goat – For Car Theft”

  1. caligirl9 says:


    Personally, the goat looks innocent to me.

  2. BelchSpeak says:

    The way I heard it, the goat is also the brother of an Oil barron who needs help transferring 140 Million US dollars out of the country, and if you help him out, you can get 18 million dollars as a fee. And God bless you.

  3. pinandpuller says:

    I used to keep goats. Every few weeks I would have to call the sherrif on the ringleader for vandalism but in my experience they can’t drive worth a damn.

  4. Gila Monster says:

    Let me guess, ….the Nigerian Police were, …..please, let me think clearly here, uhhhh …..mooselimbs..???

    Bwaa-haa-haa-haa-hahahahaha…!!! Oh my, my friggin’ sides hurt..!!

    I can see the video game now, “Grand Theft Auto, Billy Goat Returns”.
    Should be an absolute market crusher in the Middle East.
    I think I just self-fouled my own keyboard and monitor ……. ;o)

  5. 1sttofight says:

    Isn’t this the same bunch that a few years ago were all up in arms because there was a strange man walking around and if he shook your hand, your penis would fall off?

  6. River says:

    What’s the matter with you all? Don’t you remember Billy the Kid?

  7. wardmama4 says:

    Omg – where to start, where to start. Well this story has to be the epitome as to why Africa is the armpit of humanity (and has been for all time) – as they are not only ignorant, but stupid and foolish (never forget – better to be thought a fool, than open your mouth and prove it).

    I think that the real clue in this joke of an article is the ‘escaped from Akure Prison’ – as it shows the real problem – recidivist criminals who can’t even be contained properly.

    And whatever did the poor goat do to anyone – bet it refused the advances of some sicko pervert mooslime.

  8. sheehanjihad says:

    If anyone had any doubts about Nigerian intelligence, this will explode any myths to that effect in short order. The goat has received over twenty marriage proposals from local muslim men so far….if the Mazda is included in the dowry.

  9. TickTock says:

    The goat will be just fine… with a little mustard.

  10. 1laidbackRN says:

    Now we know how Obama will make his escape when reality sets in.

  11. Sharps Rifle says:

    No wonder those idiots still think people will fall for the “I’m holding 250 million dollars from the King of Outer Ungumbia and need your help to transfer those funds” scam…

    Nigeria must be a country of the utterly stupid!

  12. GuppyNblue says:

    Damn goats with their bad attitudes and respect for nothing. They’re always running amok and destroying other people’s property. When was the last time you saw a goat with a job? ‘Nuff said.

    • gipper says:

      The lot of them are nothing but freeloaders! They don’t pay taxes, either. Man, that really gets my goat!

  13. BigOil says:

    Clearly a case of a kid being scapegoated. If a goat were to steal a vehicle, it would be a Range Rover, not a Mazda.

  14. Liberals Demise says:

    Man….the goat was waiting to cross the street at a corner when this car pulled up and the driver screamed,”Get in the car or I’ll kill you”. The goat did as it was told to do. What we really have here is miss communications. The criminal thought the goat was a prostitute lookin’ for some action. Clearly the goat was at the wrong place at the wrong time!
    I swear, it’s getting to where a goat can’t get some exercise and fresh air without some Islamist pressing them for sex.

  15. Barbie says:

    Is there a fund I can donate to for this goat’s defense? I don’t think it tried to steal the Mazda – I think it’s innocent and is just being framed by the Kwara State Police. Damn police, always pushing around goats…

  16. proreason says:

    A window into the Nigerian half of Obamy’s brain.

  17. TickTock says:

    The next thing we’ll learn is that the goat shapeshifted into a bologna sandwich and was duly executed at the village picnic…

    BTW, whatever happened to Obamy’s grandmother and disabled aunt? They seem to have disappeared… they probably shape-shifted into welfare recipients.

    • Barbie says:

      touche’. me hat’s off to you for the clever comment of the morn… :) (p.s. I know violent language and obscenities are discouraged at this website and rightly so, but I don’t know if it’s okay to use smiley faces. Let me know if I’ve broken any S&L rules… :)

  18. Odie44 says:

    As I have posted many, many times – Africans are stilling living in 5,000 BC and have yet to figure a way out.

    Its in the genes…

  19. Barbie says:

    If the suspect is indeed a shapeshifter, why can’t he shapeshift into a little bug and scurry on outa there?

    • JohnMG says:

      I can’t top any of the above comments, but allow me to say this. Every attempt at self-rule by these people is fraught with such pitfalls. For those of you who are so inclined, get any of the books about Africa written by Robert C. Ruark and learn of the superstitious proclivities of those people. Though Ruark wrote mostly fictional novels, the African works were steeped in fact. His first-hand accounts of the atrocities accompanying the Mau-Mau insurections of the early 1950’s got him declared personna non grata in Africa, a country he dearly loved (to professionally hunt among other things) and to which he could not return due to threats to his property and his life. Goats figure(d) into all sorts of voodoo worship and hexes and so forth, and witches are believed capable of assuming many forms at will. Quite a complex set of beliefs–beliefs which the people are loath to discard.

      I’m not the least surprised at this story, but even more inexplicable is the Africans’ bewilderment at the fact that the rest of the world regard their cultural hang-ups as crassly absurd. Sort of like “We’re not crazy–YOU people are the crazy ones.”

  20. VMAN says:

    Well said JohnMG. Africa IS filled with witchcraft, black magic and the like and these people, I’m sure, believe that this car thief turned into a goat. The sad part is that we in the USA are expected to deal with these countries as equals. How absurd!!!

    • Liberals Demise says:

      VMAN you missed the fact that Africa is filled with Obama relatives too!
      Why, you can’t shake a tree without family hitting the ground. Probly a shape shifter to boot.

    • proreason says:

      Gee VMan, if I lived in Africa, I would be saying the same thing about the global warming kooks….witchcraft, black magic and the like….how could I expect to deal with them as equals.

    • caligirl9 says:

      Africa is called the “dark continent” for a good reason, and it has nothing to do with skin color.

  21. 4USA says:

    I laughed at their ignorance until I paralleled their goat story with the goat stories proffered by Obamanites for the last 2 years. About 60 million of our population would be ranting “crucify the goat” if Obama said it was so.

  22. Liberals Demise says:

    I’ll bet if they “water board” the goat, they will get an answer 1 way or the other!
    Who’s to say the goat is a bed wetter and sucks its hoof out of sight of the other goats.

  23. jobeth says:

    For the first time I am speechless!

    I have been laughing so hard and there is no way I can top the wisdom found on this page.

    So….I will just be quiet. (But don’t get your hopes up, it won’t be for too long…;-D )

  24. TickTock says:

    Yep, we all need a good laugh right now, and I’ve sure had mine!

  25. B17Engr says:

    I can’t read these comments anymore!

    I have never laughed so much in my life.
    Much better than the comics.

    “My eyes are dim, I cannot see, I have not brought my specs with me”.
    HA! HA! HA!

  26. B17Engr says:

    These goat jokes can go on forever1
    So Don’t try to get my goat! Ha Ha1

  27. The Redneck says:

    At least the goat’s not seducing anyone like those strumpet goats in Sudan….

    My favorite part….

    “When I asked him: ‘What are you doing there?’, he fell off the back of the goat, so I captured and tied him up.”

    Alright, y’all, draw a picture–a very vague, indistinct picture–of this in your mind…

    What the hell else can it look like?

    More than that…

    What did he expect the guy to say??

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