“This is it. This is the one, right here”.

“Are you sure, Master?”

“Of course I’m sure, Rahm – I mean Igor. I can read, can’t I? Look – it says ‘HERE LIES SPIRO T. AGNEW’ right there”. The lantern light flickered on the rich marble of the headstone. “Now start digging – they don’t come any more shovel ready than this guy, you know”.

“Yes, Master!”

“I’ll keep watch. Let’s hope no one wanders past and wonders what we’re doing in a Baltimore cemetery at midnight with a storm lantern, a shovel and a canvas sack”.

“I was kind of wondering that myself, Master”.

“I didn’t say you could stop digging, did I? Dig dig! Chop chop! Let’s get that stiff back to the lab and onto the slab”.

“An ingenious rhyme Master – but why?”

“Always with the questions! Why can’t you be more like Olympia Snowe and just do as you’re told for once? Look, in that hole is what’s left of Spiro Agnew – and I need him!”

“But Master – won’t he be all smelly and decayed?”

“So what? He can’t be worse than Helen Thomas. No Igor, I have in mind a special task for this Agnew creature, a job only he can do!”

“But he’s dead Master!”

“A mere detail! Once I have him back in the lab I shall resurrect him, using the latest scientific technology as seen on TV and as featured in Parade magazine! My boundless genius, harnessed to modern anti-aging serums and creams, shall infuse his carcass with new vigor and Agnew shall live again!”

“But Master – you can’t play God!”

“Ha ha! Just watch me! I say that Agnew shall once more walk the Earth and terrify my media enemies and everybody else too. Dumb, corrupt and obedient as he was in life, so shall he be again – the perfect instrument for my assault on the Third Amendment!”

“You mean the First Amendment, don’t you Master?” fretted Igor. “The Third Amendment forbids the quartering of troops in private dwellings during peace time without the consent of the owner”.

“Shut up! Don’t contradict me! I hate that!”

“That does seem to be a big problem for you, Master”.

“I said shut up!”

“Yes, Master”.

We on the right have to develop an attitude and ruthlessness on par with those on the left if we want to ever return America to it’s former greatness. We’re not going to win any shootouts carrying pocketknives. I’m glad there is still one honest news outlet left in the country.

The only war the Moron is willing to fight.

And Fox is the only enemy worth fighting.

Howz that? Pretty good Ann Coulter, huh?