Obama Re-writes Vow To Meet With Iran

This article was posted by Steve Gilbert on Wednesday, July 23rd, 2008 at 11:05 am. You can leave a response.

8 Responses to “Obama Re-writes Vow To Meet With Iran”

1. artboyusa
   July 24th, 2008 at 6:20 am

   You’ve seen the book, now read the movie!

   “ONLY IN AMERICA: the Legend of Barack Obama” presents a story of conflict and timeless courage from the ancient world with… “300”! Starring the nation’s sweetheart, BARACK OBAMA, as “Barack Obama”!

   Setting: Thermopylae, Greece. 480 BC

   Invaded by the numberless armies of Xerxes, King of Kings, the disunited Greeks face a deadly threat. Only King Leonidas of Sparta and a handful of warriors stand between the Persians and complete victory. They will offer their lives in a hopeless battle against the Persians in the uncertain hopes that their sacrifice may offer the Greeks enough time to organize an effective resistance and save the country from enslavement.

   “When the Persians attack their arrows will be so many that they shall darken the sun” warned Dienekes the soldier.

   “So much the better” said Leonidas. “Then we shall fight in the shade!” and the assembled troops roared with laughter.

   “That’s not a strategy to keep us safe” remarked the stranger who strode boldly into the Spartan camp.

   “We seek not safety; we are Spartans! We seek battle and glory – and anyway, who the Hades are you?” demanded Leonidas.

   “Hi! I’m Barack Obama and I want to be your next president!” said the stranger.

   “President? The concept of an elected executive is unfamiliar to me” said the king.

   “Oh, I plan to have a coronation, Your Highness” assured Obama. “A big one”.

   “And what brings you here to the pass at Thermopylae, dusky stranger?”

   “I’m not dusky; I’m post-racial” said Obama. “I have a message of hope…”

   “Zeus be praised! Have you brought reinforcements then? Only we 300 Spartans and 700 Thespians stand here against the arrayed forces of Asia (and you know what those Thespians are like)”.

   “Not exactly” said Obama. “I’ve brought a new dynamic, a new energy…”

   “Weapons? Say you’ve brought weapons…”

   “Nuh unh. I’m on a factfinding mission to uncover the full extent of the disaster which this illegal and immoral war has brought upon our country”.

   “Illegal? Immoral? We are Spartans – we live for war!”

   “Battlefield success is meaningless without political progress” advised Obama. “And I don’t see that happening. Political reconciliation is stalled, with the concept of the nation-state remaining stubbornly uninvented. Millions in olive oil and toga revenue remain unspent. You should reach out to Xerxes and seek to devise a workable peace process or else prepare a timetable for withdrawal”.

   “Withdrawal? We will triumph or die in this place like Spartans! We will never withdraw until they carry away our bodies!”

   “Okay, okay” placated Obama. “I was just saying. What’s Xerxes’ take on all this?”

   “Hah!” sneered Leonidas. “He offered me the throne of all Greece if I would come over to his side. I told him ‘If you had any knowledge of the noble things of life, you would refrain from coveting others’ possessions; but for me to die for Greece is better than to be the sole ruler over the people of my race’”.

   “Huh? I don’t get it…” stammered Obama, confused by the idea of self-sacrifice.

   “Then he told me to surrender my weapons to him or die”.

   “Good deal! So when’s the handover?”

   “I told him to come and get them!” cried Leonidas, as the soldiers cheered and struck their swords against their shields again and again. “Come and get them, Xerxes!” roared the army. “Come and get them!”

   Obama was troubled; this wasn’t going well. “We need a new strategy, King Leonidas” he urged. “We need to redirect our efforts away from this open ended and unwinnable quagmire and confront the enemy in the real theatre of conflict”.

   “And where is that?”

   “Iraq”.

   “Iraq won’t be invented until 1922!” cried Leonidas. “Sorcerer or traitor, I know not which you are but I offer you now a choice: stand today with us Spartans against the armies of Xerxes and, though you die, live forever as a hero or run away to pass the rest of your days in miserable shame, known as a man who is not a man, but a coward and a fool”.

   “Um…what was that second option again?” asked Obama.

2. ptat
   July 24th, 2008 at 7:24 am

   “Just one response?” I ask myself—but, lo and behold, it is artboyusa! Great stuff—many thanks! Don’t forget—”Obama08: Saving the universe one planet at a time.”!

3. artboyusa
   July 24th, 2008 at 9:09 am

   “Obama08 - Because He’s Better Than You Are”

   “McCain08 - “Jimmy? Is that you? The nurses are stealing my stuff ! I can’t find my glasses case. Jimmy?”

4. texaspsue
   July 24th, 2008 at 12:01 pm

   oh artboy, you did it again… hahaha. Great story, thanks for the laugh.

   LOL ptat!

5. rational
   July 24th, 2008 at 12:08 pm

   At least Obama knows that the “Anbar Awakening” occured before the troop surge.

6. SG
   July 24th, 2008 at 12:22 pm

   “At least Obama knows that the “Anbar Awakening” occured before the troop surge.”

   If you got your talking points from somewhere besides the Zsa Zsa Huffington’s Post you might know that McCain said the Awakening would not have succeeded without the protection the sheiks and other tribal chieftains got from the surge.

   Which is undeniably true.

7. artboyusa
   July 24th, 2008 at 12:47 pm

   “At least Obama knew…” Obama - is there anything he doesn’t know or that he can’t do? Apparently not, and if you ask him, he’ll confirm it.

8. A Mad Pole
   July 24th, 2008 at 1:31 pm

   ““Obama08 - Because He’s Better Than You Are””

   I want a t-shirt with that.

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