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Harry Reid: Roberts Lied To Get On Court

From an approving Politico:

Reid: Roberts ‘didn’t tell us the truth’

By MANU RAJU | 3/27/09

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid said Friday that John Roberts misled the Senate during his confirmation hearings by pretending to be a moderate — and that the United States is now “stuck” with him as chief justice.

“Roberts didn’t tell us the truth. At least Alito told us who he was,” Reid said, referring to Samuel Alito, the second Supreme Court justice nominated by President George W. Bush. “But we’re stuck with those two young men, and we’ll try to change by having some moderates in the federal courts system as time goes on — I think that will happen.” …

This is pretty despicable stuff, even for Mr. Reid.

Who is not only a grifter, one of the biggest liars to ever disgrace our national stage.

This article was posted by Steve Gilbert on Friday, March 27th, 2009. Comments are currently closed.

54 Responses to “Harry Reid: Roberts Lied To Get On Court”

  1. dulcimergrl

    Oh, just put a sock in it, harry.

  2. proreason

    Surely Justice Roberts is also a homophobe,

    and a racist,

    and a warmonger,

    and a greedy capitalist,

    and a yankee imperialist,

    because after all, he isn’t toeing the uberlib line, and anybody who doesn’t toe that line must be destroyed.

  3. David

    Good thing Harry hasn’t ever read nor cares to read the constitution. He might someday discover that he presides over the governing body with authority to start impeachment proceedings for court justices. What a dote.

    • Liberals Demise

      Stop…..you will confuse him and the other Dems over that…..Constitution thingy!!

    • wardmama4

      David – uh while I might agree with you on the part about Reid not reading the Constitution – I seriously doubt any of the Klownposse in DC have bothered lately – I know the reason why he/they don’t start Impeachment – because it brings about retaliation Impeachments.

      That is why it is so rarely done. Besides Reid knows he is just spewing for the propaganda machine msm to create this week’s talking point. Hmmm, makes one wonder exactly what un-Constitutional mayhem these crapweasels in Congress are up to this week?

    • jobeth

      Funny that he “didn’t know”. Did he have his head burried where the sun doesn’t shine?

      I breathed a sigh of relief when Roberts was voted in.

      BTW, I used to dream of impeachment too…then I remembered the line to the throne passes thru Biden and Polosi. Yikes!!!

      The ballot box is our best bet in a year and a half. We HAVE to get conservatives in.

  4. mybrotherkeeper

    My Christian world view explains this: Man is born with a sinful nature, so it is easier to be strong in evil than it is to be strong in good: So we understand the weakness of Republicans and the staunchness of Democrats. This just confirms that belief…They are utterly shameless.
    If you don’t know what I am talking about, consider the fact that the Democrats fight conservative judges tooth and nail, whilst the Republicans scarcely put up a battle against liberal appointees…Then the Dem’s have the gall to accuse the Repub’s of what they do!!
    It’s amazing!
    Consider how the Dem’s have put the blame on the Repub’s for the banking scandal, while they were the most culpable of all.
    But do the Republicans scream bloody murder?
    No!!
    What can one say to this?

    • Barbie

      sort of like when Nancy Pelosi did everything possible to villify, demean, insult, attack GW Bush and then she had the gall to say HE was so anti-bipartisanship. These people are either truly insane or just plain legislative sociopaths.

    • The Redneck

      Barbie, that goes farther back to the Clintons.

      When you can blame talk show hosts and home-schoolers for terrorist attacks, have a former bouncer look through the FBI files of your political opponents, have James Carville “declare war” on any of your mistresses (willing, unwilling, or escaped) who step forward, use your control of the Justice Department to run constant investigations against the city-government run by the guy your wife’s campaigning against… and then whine about “the politics of personal destruction”–and get away with it….

      Well, after you’ve reached the pinnacle, the rest is easy.

  5. oldswimcoach

    Activist jurists (Right or Left) are bad for the country. I see Thomas, Alito, Roberts and Scalia as the four justices that are constitutionalists.

    I think it was Stevens (I’m being lazy and not looking up the particular jurist or the case) that recently cited European legal precedents as an “interpretation” of our constitution. Somehow that degree of ignorance of our constitution and legal precedence and general legal incompetence is A OK with Senator Reid!

  6. Gila Monster

    “But we’re stuck with those two young men, and we’ll try to change by having some moderates in the federal courts system as time goes on — I think that will happen.”

    “Moderates” is Dhimmi code-speak for “uber-liberal who will legislate from the bench”.

    Reid called GOP efforts to block President Bill Clinton’s judges “a dark point in the history of our country. I would hope we don’t have to go through that again.”

    So Dingy Harry, what inane metaphor do you use to refer to the nearly constant blocking of Bush judicial appointees by Senate Donkey’s, an “emerging ray of sunshine”?

    Reid truly is a pathological liar and crap-weasel extraordinaire. Sad really, for a supposed follower of the Mormon faith.

    • proreason

      “Reid truly is a pathological liar and crap-weasel extraordinaire”

      bears repeating

    • David

      According to Wikipedia, Roberts is 54 and Alito is 58. I don’t mean this to sound mean to other posters here but I think it would be a bit difficult to call them “young men.” Perhaps compared to the old fart libs on the court but not with a 47 year old President.

  7. Enthalpy

    Reid continues to amaze. Citizen supporters of this fool must have few standards. The idea that Justice Roberts adheres to the constitution is antithetical to Reid’s world view. Just what does this man believe and where is his allegiance?

  8. ptat

    So Roberts is a liar, and Thomas, you will recall, is an idiot according to Reid, who is pretty sure that he could do the job better than either of them. I appreciate freedom of speech, but how does someone this stupid…..Vegas sure lost that bet….

  9. U NO HOO

    Let’s go with “Pinky” Reid.

    Pinky was his childhood name and still seems appropriate.

  10. canary

    I guess Reid hasn’t noticed we already have liberal, pro-federal federal courts.

  11. eaglewingz08

    Sen. Reid lied, he said the Iraqi War was a failure and we’ve lost, lost, lost the war. His deputy said our soldiers at GITMO were like the Nazis. He under commanders like Sen. Kerry said we deliberately targeted civilians and our soldiers were terrorists breaking into homes in the middle of the night to drag out innocents like storm troopers. So the lies of the democrap leadership are so far below any sane and rational discourse that they have no business opening their pie holes. If they had any honor or integrity they would issue apologies, resign or as Sen. Grassley stated, commit harikari for the dishonor they brought to their offices and their country.

    • catie

      Are the only people voting in NV illegal aliens or California Nit Wits who decided they could ruin another state? I cannot fathom why this guy continues to be re-elected.
      When he made his comment about the war being lost I called for 4 days before I finally got through to his office and got a rude staffer. He had nothing to say except “Senator Reid has his opinion, I’m sorry you can’t see the truth.” and hung up on me. I cannot fathom how this man sleeps at night. Maybe he doesn’t, maybe he’s really a creature from some bad sci-fi flick. That’s the only thing the really makes sense.

  12. Media_man

    I think it was Peggy Noonan who said Harry Reid has the demeanor of a dishonest funeral home director. The guy is a total sleazebag, which I suppose is why he leads the Senate Democrats.

    I also seem to recall she said Chuck Schumer reminded her of a mob accountant. How true. I suppose that’s a slur on mob accountants though.

  13. libocrat

    First of all, how does it matter what Roberts political persuasion is? Is Ginsberg moderate?
    Secondly, Obama is a radical Marxist and lies every time he flaps gums.
    Reid is a hack. I’d love to meet him.

  14. libocrat

    Reid believes that Castro and Stalin were moderates.

  15. GnuCarSmell

    So Reid is upset with Roberts for “pretending to be a moderate?” Is he also upset with Justices Stevens, Kennedy and Souter for “pretending to be moderates?” I didn’t think so. These three left-wing judges were appointed by Republican Presidents by pretending to be something other than left-wing activists. (Okay, okay, in fairness Justice Kennedy does pay erratic visits to the Constitution).

    In any event, Harry Reid is a funny guy to accuse others of disingenuousness.

  16. 12 Gauge Rage

    You too lied to the American people Senator Reid. You had some of us convinced that you were a somewhat reasonable man. Thankfully there are those, myself included, who have seen what you were from the start. An old, mean, bitter, and spiteful human being afraid of losing your grip of power to those of a conservative mindset.

  17. canary

    This has been one of my biggest concerns with the one judge having cancer.

    • canary

      I thought one of the funniest moments when Oballa was campaigning, where he answered questions, and got applauses after each answer. When asked about the which Supreme Court Justice he was most disappointed with, and Oballa said Clarence Thomas. The audience did their normal applaud, and it was only lasted a few seconds, cause they were afraid they’d look like racists.

  18. Gila Monster

    “Reid truly is a pathological liar and crap-weasel extraordinaire”

    bears repeating

    As Pro stated, one more time..!! Dingy Harry is a crap-weasel..!!

    Shut your disgustimg pie-hole Harry, everything you spew assures us of your uber-stupidity…!!!
    Sh*thouse bricks in a seldom used mooselimb outhouse in Afghanistan have stated better positions than you…!!!

  19. NotStuckOnStupid

    Reid must be up for re-election soon, and he must have voted to confirm Roberts. I’m betting this is major CYA before the fact, because he’s terified of being Dascheled.

    • TwilightZoned

      Reid IS up for re-election in 2010. Let’s pray he DOES get Dascheled!

    • wardmama4

      Speaking of which most of the Govenors (ok all but one) are up for re-election and/or out in 2010 and 2012 – one is up this year.

      We The People need to start cleaning house and really, really looking hard at who is running and why.

      Start at local & state levels and then:

      We The People need to start a National drive to overturn the 16th Amendment and abolish the IRS (I mean come on who would be against either of these?!? Really).

      The Klownposse in DC can not manage all their Un-Constitutional ‘bills’, ‘legislation’ and corrupt above the laws they themselves write/pass and institute upon the masses without MONEY.

      Take it away – it makes all things STATE & Local and reduces DC to exactly what the Founding Fathers envisioned – the glue that holds the states together, settles disputes between the states and funding the Defense of the Nation only.

      Accountability, ease of redress against corrupt government would be increased (easier to go to City Hall and/or the State Capital than DC) and we remove their greed, power, and of course the main reason they all want to become ‘Public Servants’. . .MONEY.

    • TwilightZoned

      Exactly, WM. I intend to scrutinize, carefully, the newbies running and Daschel everyone I am able.

  20. curvyred

    I like Roberts – because he seems to tick-off the libbies. Reason enough for me!

  21. wardmama4

    Damn, damn I completely forgot the reason Reid would do this NOW:

    Chief Justice Roberts is reviewing the lawsuit by Dr.Orly Taitz on BHO’s eligibility to be POTUS

    It makes perfect sense now

    And it must be serious for Reid to be so damn scared.

    • proreason

      You’re onto something there WM.

    • TwilightZoned

      Yes, this does make sense! Oh, goodie, goodie there may actually be some some to all this mess.

    • TwilightZoned

      Sorry, some sense was intended. Yes, I miss the edit button!!!

    • Barbie

      I haven’t closely read each and every comment here, but is the above reason by WM also linked to Barney Frank going after Judge Scalia last week, or was that one of Barney’s emotional moments overwhelming him? These personal attacks by the most reprehensible people in Congress – Frank and Reid – are seldom ‘happenstance’ (which I ‘m pretty sure is a word). ????

      (p.s.Oh, I’m gonna miss that edit button)

    • Steve

      I think the edit button is working again.

    • proreason

      John Pitney says that John Roberts is the post-Rush target for demonization.

      http://article.nationalreview......JkYTRmMzI=

      “So is there anybody left for the Democrats to boo and hiss? Yes, there is one figure in Washington whom liberals really do hate and fear, because he could help thwart their policy goals, especially on social issues.

      That person is Chief Justice John Roberts.”

      Which would explain Reaper Reid’s out-of-the-blue attack.

  22. Barbie

    Harry, ‘fess up. You’re wearing frilly pink undies at this very moment.

  23. Professor_Repulso

    “Majority Leader Reid’s defeat would be even more satisfying, since it could be directly tied to his non-stop amnesty advocacy. Reid is patriotic immigration reform’s Public Enemy #1 in the Senate.
    “Although Reid enjoys the biggest party majority of any Senate leader in a quarter of a century, he can hear the footsteps in what will be 2010′s marquee battle.
    “A recent Research 2000 poll of likely voters put Reid’s approval rating at 38 percent and his disapproval rating at 54 percent. And while President Barack Obama carried Nevada by a comfortable 12 percentage points, the state voted for George W. Bush in 2000 and 2004.
    “Even among Democrats, Reid’s prospects look dim. Only 44 percent would positively vote to re-elect him. Reid’s closest advisers have recommended that, if he is serious about getting re-elected, he resign as majority leader to spend full time campaigning – an idea I heartily endorse!”

    Joe Guzzardi

  24. pdsand

    According to Wikipedia:
    “During his two year tenure on the D.C. Circuit, Roberts authored 49 opinions, eliciting only two dissents from other judges, and authoring only three dissents of his own.

    Notable decisions on the D.C. Circuit include the following:
    Military tribunals
    In Hamdan v. Rumsfeld, Roberts was part of a unanimous Circuit panel overturning the district court ruling and upholding military tribunals set up by the Bush administration for trying terrorism suspects known as enemy combatants.

    Environmental regulation
    … In Roberts’s view, the Commerce Clause of the Constitution did not permit the government to regulate activity affecting what he called “a hapless toad” that “for reasons of its own, lives its entire life in California.”

    • pdsand

      Further from Wikipedia:
      During Judiciary Committee hearings on his nomination to the circuit court, Roberts testified about his views on jurisprudence…

      Federalism
      “Simply because you have a problem that needs addressing, it’s not necessarily the case that Federal legislation is the best way to address it…. The constitutional limitation doesn’t turn on whether it’s a good idea. There is not a ‘good idea’ clause in the Constitution. It can be a bad idea, but certainly still satisfy the constitutional requirements…”

      Applying precedent
      …The determination of when deference to legislative policy judgments goes too far and becomes abdication of the judicial responsibility, and when scrutiny of those judgments goes too far on the part of the judges and becomes what I think is properly called judicial activism, that is certainly the central dilemma of having an unelected, as you describe it correctly, undemocratic judiciary in a democratic republic.”

    • pdsand

      More interestingly, Roberts was first nominated to the Supreme Court 19 July to fill Sandra Day O’Connor’s seat, then re-nominated on 6 September to be Chief Justice after the death of William Rehnquist. He wasn’t confirmed until And from my recollection, the appointment of Supreme Court justices, as well as all federal judges by Mr. Bush at this time was a matter of considerable contention, as the gang of 14 had happened earlier that year. You would think that sometime during this high pressure summer for a judicial nominee, if there ever was one, that “the truth” would have come out about him, especially because he, unlike “legal scholar” Obama had a long published history of legal scholarship, published opinions, etc. Plus he seemed pretty darn forthcoming in his testimony before the Senate. I just don’t get how Harry Reid can have the pure guts to try to revise history like this.

    • proreason

      “I just don’t get how Harry Reid can have the pure guts to try to revise history like this”

      They do it all the time pdsand.

      That is why they spent decades to capture the education system and the media.

      The whole rad/soc/communist coup is predicated on brainwashing more than 50% of the voting population.

      Other elements of the strategy include:
      - multiplying the vote of retards through illegal means (Acorn, etc)
      - extending the right to vote to natural liberal constituencies (criminals, homeless, etc)
      - capturing the judiciary
      - torqueing the law wherever possible
      - abuse of free speech
      - supression of free speech
      - intimidation
      - graft
      - and on and on

      It isn’t difficult to understand.

      On one side, you have people, like ourselves, who respect and follow the Constitution, the law, and tradition.

      On the other side, you have amoralists who place no boundaries whatsoever on what they will do. They are only bound by what they think they can get away with.

  25. artboyusa

    HARRY REID, America’s White Weasel, stars in “SECRET AGENT MAN”!

    (I love sticking it to this little creep, so here goes…)

    “Harry, come right in! So good to see you” grinned the President, setting the latest Enemies List update carefully to one side. “Thanks for stopping by”.

    “My pleasure, Mr President” smiled Harry, shaking hands with practiced ease. “Um, I thought that Madame Secretary of State was going to be joining us?”

    “Hillary? She’s busy getting her back waxed or something” read the President, glancing at the helpful teleprompter. “No, I wanted to speak with you in confidence, Harry, about a matter of the utmost urgency…urgency…urgency. Darn it, this thing is stuck again!”

    “Try giving it a shake – there you go. Is it about all the earmarks, Mr President? Look, I can justify every one of…”

    “No, no, no” the President waved a dismissive hand. “That’s small potatoes. Don’t sweat it”. The President ignited another Marlboro Light from the remnants of the last one.

    “Smoke?” he invited.

    “No thanks, Mr President. We Mormons don’t smoke”.

    “Really? You don’t know what you’re missing” coughed the President. “Now look Harry” he read, moving his head slowly in the now-familiar scanning motion. “Everybody knows that you may not be exactly the smartest guy in Congress, you may not be the best looking or the most charismatic…”

    Gosh – it’s like he can see into my soul, marvelled Harry.

    “You may not be the most compelling orator…”

    Wha? wondered Harry, nodding off for a second at the thought of one of his own speeches.

    “You may be grey, boring, witless and as corrupt as they come…”

    Why’s he buttering me up like this? Harry pondered.

    “But I think you’re just the kind of fall guy, I mean Special Envoy, we need for a diplomatic mission so urgent, so secret, so dangerous…”

    Dangerous? worried Harry.

    “And so important to the future of this bitter, confused and Bush-plagued country that only the most disposable, I mean invaluable, of statesmen could be entrusted with its execution”.

    Statesman! Harry jubilated. He called me a statesman – me! Oh boy!

    “Tell me more, Mr President” panted Harry. “Tell me more”.

    The President opened a desk drawer and drew out a color photograph of a be-turbanned man with a long flowing beard. “You know who this is, Harry?”

    “It’s the guy who checked my bags in at the airport”.

    “No, Harry” said the President. “Its Osama Bin Laden, the world’s most wanted terrorist, after Bush. I want you to contact him and begin the appeasement process, I mean, peace process that will bring this man and our nation into a warm embrace of forgiveness and mutual understanding”.

    “But Mr President” stammered Harry. “Didn’t he declare war on us? Didn’t he kill thousands of innocent Americans on 9/11? It was in all the papers!”

    “That was a long time ago, Harry” tutted the President “And Americans have short memories”.

    “Huh? What were we talking about?” queried Harry.

    “Exactly! In fact, how do you know 9/11 even happened – seen any pictures of it on TV lately?”

    “Well…no”.

    “Exactly! You see Harry, I’m something of a student of history and I remember what Napoleon said when he was King of the Roman Empire: “carpet dime”, which means “there’s no time like the present” and now’s the right time for us to unclench our fists and move forward, hand in hand with these moderate elements who may be misguided but who have, after all, legitimate grievances, in a constructive dialogue which will bring about our total capitulation, I mean a new understanding”.

    “Um, I’m not so sure about this, Mr President…” wavered Harry.

    “But I am! And I won the election – so hop to it, Harry! I’m sending you off for some special training to get you ready and then you’ll be dropped near Bin Laden’s secret location to seek him out and commence negotiations”.

    “Secret location? Where’s that?”

    “I just said it’s a secret, Harry” snapped the President. “Are you deaf or something? Sheesh. But I can tell you that its…” and he bent over and whispered in Harry’s ear “Mmmppll mbmbmb”.

    Harry’s watery eyes widened in surprise. “Really? No way!”

    “Way” said the President. “And you can take that all the way to the part-nationalized bank!”

    So just where is “Mmmppll mbmbmb”? The world wants to know! Learn more in tomorrow’s instalment…

  26. artboyusa

    HARRY REID, America’s White Weasel, stars in “SECRET AGENT MAN: Part Two”!

    “Senator Reid? Hello, sir; welcome to Langley. My name is Colt Luger, CIA Master Spy. I’ll be your instructor on this course”.

    “Good to meet you, Agent Limbo” smiled Harry. “I have to say I’m, ah, a little anxious about all this – I’m not a, um, a physical kind of person, really”.

    “You’ll do fine, sir” Colt assured the nervous Nevadan. “Just fine. I’ve trained many of our finest agents: E. Howard Hunt, Aldrich Ames, Valerie Plame – great Americans all! You’ll do just fine, sir!”

    “I hope so” worried Harry; the repeated assertion that ‘you’ll do fine’ was not exactly having its full effect.

    “First of all I need to tell you your secret code name…”

    “Ooh! Ooh!” exclaimed Harry “Can I be called ‘Napoleon Solo’ or ‘Knight Rider’ (with a ‘K’) or something cool like that?”

    “Um, no” said Colt. “Your code name is ‘White Weasel’ – and that’s final. The paperwork’s all been done and everything”.

    “Awww…’White Weasel’ doesn’t sound cool at all”.

    “Hey, some of those weasels can be pretty aggressive” Colt reassured the sulking lawmaker. “Now let’s move on and introduce you to some of the equipment you’ll be using. This is your pistol –a Glock 9mm. You’ll like the Glock, sir – here, just hold it”.

    “Hmmm, surprisingly light” said Harry. ”Pow! Pow! Kerchow-kerchow!”

    “Whoops! Hehehe, sir – don’t ever point it at anything you don’t want to shoot. You don’t want to shoot me, do you?”

    “I suppose not. Sorry, Agent Loco”.

    “No problem, sir. Now the safety catch is located right –“

    “I see it!” said Harry as the magazine dropped out and clattered on the floor.

    “That’s the magazine release, sir. Let’s just pick up all these cartridges now…”

    “Cartridges? I thought they were bullets”.

    “No sir, the bullet is this lead thing here at the – oh never mind. Fine, let’s pick up all these bullets” fumed Colt, thinking that this was going to be one helluva long training program…

    And so it was. Harry turned out to be hopeless with a pistol: he could hit anything – the floor, the walls, the lights, his own foot (almost) but not the target.

    “You really need to try not to shut your eyes when you squeeze the trigger, Senator” urged Colt again and again.

    Harry wasn’t much better on the obstacle course, hanging frozen with fear on the rope for so long that birds nested on him.

    During judo practice he yelled “I give!” before Colt even touched him.

    He could only do three push ups before collapsing and having to be rushed to the secret CIA clinic with a suspected heart attack.

    He threw up in the jump plane and it went everywhere.

    He couldn’t learn basic Arabic, despite intensive tuition:

    “Okay, Senator. Let’s try it again. You’re in the middle of Cairo. You need to ask directions to the Pyramids. You stop a passerby and you say…?”

    “Hi, how are you doing? I’m Harry Reid – can I count on your vote in November?”

    “No, no, no! Try again, please”.

    “Um, voolay vooz lez Pyramids, monsewer?”

    “No, no. Say it in Arabic, Senator!”

    “Um…abba gabba ubba dubbba?”

    “Well, that’s a little better…”

    Join us tomorrow for more of the action adventures of Harry Reid!

  27. artboyusa

    HARRY REID, America’s White Weasel, stars in “SECRET AGENT MAN: Part Three”!

    Thanks Gila and mybro; appreciation is always appreciated…and now back to our story:

    “You know, Agent Limbo” yelled Harry over the roar of the engines “You might not believe it but I’m not really an action kind of guy; never have been”.

    “Really” said Colt Luger.

    “No –it’s true! And I’m not a well man either: asthma, night blindness, halitosis, shingles, ingrown toenails, dandruff, eczema, angst, existential nausea, burning rectal itch – I’ve got ‘em all”.

    “That’s interesting”.

    “So, under the circumstances” wheedled Harry “I was wondering how you’d feel about doing the jump for me? I can pay you, Colt –I’m a public servant, so I’m rich you know, really rich. Name your price!”

    “Red light!” barked Colt. “On your feet, White Weasel – c’mon!”

    “Ohgodohgod!” wailed Harry Reid. “Ohgodohgodohgodohgod!”

    “I didn’t quite catch that” lied Colt. “Green light – go!”

    Vital seconds passed and nothing happened.

    “Green light – go!” yelled Colt. “Go, White Weasel!”

    Nothing.

    “Go, dammit!”

    Harry Reid felt the sudden impact of Colt’s boot on his ass and then he was out the door and spinning dizzily through the enormity of space. Wonder replaced fear and Harry felt a tremendous exhilaration course through his slender frame.

    “This is amazing!” exulted Harry. “I’m soaring! I’m flying! I never felt so alive!”

    Harry smashed into the ground at three hundred miles per hour.

    Or he would have done had not the roof of the goat shed and even more so, the goats inside it, broken his fall and after a few minutes a shaken Harry emerged from the wreckage, blinking nearsightedly and drenched in goat guts.

    Harry spat out some pieces of the coarse haired ruminant and with shaking hands brushed more random chunks from his jumpsuit. Colt Luger’s voice echoed in his mind: “And don’t forget to pull the ripcord…pull the ripcord…pull the ripcord” Colt had warned.

    They can’t expect me to think of everything, fumed Harry. Sheesh.

    Harry put on his glasses and his blurry eyes slowly refocused…who’s that? Before him stood a wide-eyed little shepherd boy.

    “You fell from the sky!” exclaimed the lad. “Are you… a god?”

    “Hey, you speak English” said Harry, who noticed everything. “That’s convenient. No, I’m not a god, little fellow. I’m the Senate Majority Leader, which is kinda like being a god but with better perks and privileges. Got any special projects back home you need Federal help funding?”

    “Your words are strange to me. And you smell like a goat. What is your name, sky visitor?”

    “Hi, I’m Harry Reid” campaigned Harry. “How are you doing? I hope I can count on your vote in November!”

    “Your already strange words become stranger still. My name is Abu. I am a humble shepherd boy. You just squashed all my goats, o Harry Reid”.

    “Um, yes…well. Sorry about that; don’t tell PETA, okay?”

    Harry rummaged in his knapsack. “Here, take these precious items as compensation”. He hauled out some bead necklaces, a dozen hand mirrors and a couple of woollen blankets. “See? Guaranteed smallpox free!” Harry said reassuringly.

    “I’m foreign, not retarded” said Abu. “You’ll have to do better than that”.

    Harry sighed and dug deeper. From the knapsack’s depths he proffered a warm bottle of Cherry Coke, one of those stupid GameBoy things, a box of melted Milk Duds and last week’s issue of TV Guide.

    “Here you go, Abu; treasure from the bazaars of America! We’ll call it even, huh?”

    The shepherd boy eyed the objects with undisguised distaste. “I don’t want your pop culture crap!” he snapped. “I have all I need here in my beautiful homeland”.

    “You do?” wondered Harry as he looked around at the dusty, barren, treeless, sun blasted wasteland. “Really?”

    “No, I’m kidding. Gimme that stuff!”

    “Well, I’m glad we could work this out” said Harry as he placed a comforting hand on the little boy’s shoulders.

    “Take your paws off me, creep” warned Abu. “You smell funny and you still owe me for all those goats”.

    “Hey, I thought we had a deal – oh alright, you’ll get your money” lied Harry. “You can always count on Uncle Sam to stick by a pal”.

    “That’s what the Kurds and the South Vietnamese and the Cambodians and the Shah of Iran thought” said Abu. “Me, I want to see the moolah up front”.

    “Okay, okay” conceded Harry. “I’ll get you your money – and lots more, if you help me with my mission. I need to find a man, someone special…”

    “I said get away from me, you perv!”

    “No, no – I’m not like that!”

    “Yeah? You sure look like that”.

    Harry sighed. “Please; let me explain. You see, the President says that…”

    Will Abu join Harry’s Coalition of the Willing? Find out in tomorrow’s thrilling (and penultimate) instalment!

  28. artboyusa

    HARRY REID, America’s White Weasel, stars in “SECRET AGENT MAN: Part Four”!

    “So you’ll help me find him?” asked Harry.

    “If the price is right” said Abu. “What is the name of him for whom you search?”

    “Well, he has many names. You may know him as ‘The Sheik’”.

    “You mean Rudolf Valentino?”

    “No! Osama Bin Laden – this guy here!” said Harry, waving the tattered WANTED poster.

    “Oh him! Why didn’t you say so? Everybody knows where he is”.

    “Really? Our best agents can’t find him anywhere”.

    “You have to be looking for somebody in order to find them, o Harry Reid”.

    “Point taken. So, where is he?”

    “Standing right behind you”.
    ***

    The rusty shackles bit cruelly into the tender flesh of Harry’s twiglike forearms and the brutal guards taunted him while he writhed in pain and humiliation.

    “Harharharharhar” they jeered. “Hardeeharharharhar!”

    It’s like junior high all over again, agonized Harry. His slender frame was covered in scrapes and bruises, his breath came in fitful gasps, his glasses were askew and he reeked of goat.

    The guards feel silent as a lanky figure entered the cave. “Ow!” cursed the lanky one, striking his head on the low ceiling. “Can’t you get yourself a taller cave, Tariq?”

    “A thousand apologies, master” grovelled Tariq.

    “No biggy. So, what have we here? He smells bad”.

    “My (gasp) name (choke) is Senator Harry Reid (D -NV),,,”

    “The question was rhetorical, pallid dog!” snapped Bin Laden. “I well know who you are”.

    “You (gasp) do?”

    “Of course I does. Harry Mason Reid, known as ‘Pinky’ to his friends. Born 2 December 1939 in Searchlight, Nevada. Alumnus of Utah State University (go Fighting Polygamists!) Lawyer. Married to the former Landra Gould. Five children: Lana, Rory, Leif, Josh and…Key? What by the beard of the Prophet (PBUH) kind of name is that anyway?”

    “It’s a long (gasp) story” choked Harry. “You’ve certainly done your research”.

    “Thank you” said Artboy, I mean Bin Laden. “I do my best. So, Harry Reid: what does a Latter Day Saint, a former member of the Nevada State Gaming Commission, former Lieutenant Governor, former Representative and current Senate Majority Leader want from little old me, huh? Speak, Mormon pig!”

    “Well, Mr Osama…may I call you ‘Osama’?”

    “No”.

    “Um, well, the President has sent me as Special Envoy to, um, Your Excellency, to state to you his profound desire for a new and harmonious concordance between yourself and us imperialist American jackels, a clean slate, a ‘rapprochement’, if you like. That’s a French word which means…”

    “I know what it means! I didn’t go to some cow college madrassah like you – I went to Riyadh State! So, at last the deluded masters of your corrupt and decadent land have grown a little in wisdom; at last you see where your best interests lie”.

    “Um, yes…exactly. Wisdom”.

    “I mean it’s a nice little country you got there, Harry Reid. Real nice. Be a shame if something was to happen to it, something… nuclear” threatened Bin Laden.

    “Hey, hey; take it easy” quavered Harry. “I don’t want any trouble”.

    “And you won’t have any, Harry Reid, as long as you meet certain…conditions”.

    “Such as?”

    “Well, all you infidel pig Americans must accept the One True Faith – without exception!”

    “Hey, no problem” said Harry. “The Islamification process is already well advanced – we’re following the European model of graduated transformation”.

    “Most wise. And America must withdraw its crusaders from the lands they have occupied and disarm itself entirely”.

    “Already in hand, Excellency. We hardly use the arms we’ve got anyway. Hey, this is easier than I thought!”

    “And the criminal Bush and his henchmen must answer for their crimes before an Islamic court”.

    “That’s in hand too, Excellency. The indictments have been prepared”.

    “And you must all say ‘sorry’ and really mean it!”

    “Done and done!” agreed Harry. “Can you uncuff me now, please?”

    “Certainly! Where are my manners? Loose him, brothers – bring oil to bathe his wounds and sweetmeats to satisfy his hunger. Would you care for some goat, Harry Reid?”

    “Um, no thanks. I’ve had enough goat for one day”.
    ***
    And so, little brothers and sisters, that’s how Harry Reid helped the Great Osama turn infidel America into the glorious Islamic Republic it is today. Harry became Grand Vizier and served the Caliph until the end of his days, which were many and long. Of course Harry Reid went home to Allah years before any of you were born but his life story still serves as an example to us all and that’s why his portrait is on the 1000 dinar bill – see?

    • Liberals Make Great Speedbumps

      As usual artboy, well done sir! You really are a talented writer. I wish I could conceive an idea and flesh it out as quickly, and well, as you do.

  29. artboyusa

    You’re much too kind, lib, but thank you! Harry was the subject of my first ever serial story, back in 2006. I don’t think I’ve taken enough advantage of his comic potential so far but I’m keeping my eye on him. He’s not as easy as Hillary was, though. I really miss having her to kick around – she was a walking joke machine, that woman.




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