“Good luck, Sire! Good luck, Mr President!” called the last of Barack’s personal entourage (make up person, hair person, clean shirt person, dental hygienist, vocal coach, shoe shiner, wardrobe lady, manicurist, exfoliator, breath checker, perspiration specialist, food taster for when Hillary’s around) as they crowded out of the Green Room.

“You can do it! Yes, we can!” they chanted meaninglessly.

“Thank you, thank you” grinned the candidate 80% of Kenyans would like to see elected our president. “Yes, you can!”

As the door clicked shut Barack’s smile vanished and he slumped down into his chair. A long sigh escaped his lips.

“Well, Barry” he thought “this is it. The big one…show time. Win this debate and you’re the top dog: the big cheese, the head honcho, Numero Uno, Big Daddy, the Boss of Bosses, el Jefe, il Duce, der Fuhrer, the Brown Eagle…lose tonight and you’re on a one way ticket to Al Goresville”.

He shivered a little at the thought and as so often in times of crisis, he turned to the consolation of prayer:

“In the name of Allah, the most merciful and compassionate…no, no, NO! Not that god –the other one!” he reminded himself.

“Sweet Lord Jesus, meek and mild, make strong my arm and make sharp my sword that I may smite thine enemies and the enemies of me, thy glamorous and attractive servant Barack, that I may deliver my positive message of hope and change to these primitive Americans and make light their darkness, or vice versa. Thanks for listening, God, and have a great day”.

Fortified by his faiths, Barack’s agile mind turned to the question of tactics:

“Try not to go ‘uh’ and ‘er’ all the time. Use my John F Kennedy Martin Luther Lincoln voice” he thought. “Not my Dave Chapelle voice. Keep it simple and keep it easy so those bitter, gun hugging, honkie racists can follow along”.

He ticked the key points of his message of hope off on his fingers:

“One: Drive the baby killing crusaders from Iraq –no, no, NO! Bring our heroic men and women home swiftly and safely – that’s the ticket. ’Operation Timely Flight’ I’ll call it.
Two: Universal healthcare for all Americans, dead or alive.
Three-o: Tax cuts for 95% of Americans, including the 40% who don’t pay any taxes.
Quatro: McCain=Bush, McCain=Bush, McCain=Bush.
Five-o: Energy independence but without actually having to drill or refine any of that nasty, smelly, sticky oil. And no nukes. They may be good enough for those Frenchies but for us, no way. Use the power of wishful thinking to provide new planet-friendly energy sources.
Six-o: McCain=Bush, McCain=Bush, McCain=Bush”.

“That ought to hold ‘em” thought President Obama. “Work up to a big emotional finish: hopes and dreams, personal journey, healing wounds of undeserving, criminal nation, atonement for past wrongs, you owe me this…” Barack stood before the gleaming mirror and straightened his back. “And so tonight I say to you, the people of Earth – the black and the white, the tall and the small, men, women and those who are a little of both, that America could be a great country” he orated. “All it needs is… me!”

Barack grinned back at himself. “Pretty good” he muttered. “Prettee darn good. It’s in the bag, by Allah – in the freakin’ bag!”

I’m sure I know why the “President rules the country” comment wasn’t called on in the debate: Obama actually believes he will “rule”, not “govern” or “serve”. And if McCain was tired, it prolly just slipped past him.

Overall, I thought the debate was lousy. Both kept to their usual soundbites and both sounded like they were talking to the stupidest person in the room. McCain seemed tired and he was almost incoherent sometimes. He let Obama get away with all sorts of stuff he could have caught him on. At one point Lehrer (unless I misheard it) said that one of them was going to be President and “rule” the country – what a missed opportunity to say something about how “the President doesn’t rule the country, the President serves the country and my administration will serve etc etc.”

There was no exchange or testing of ideas, the language and presentation were pedestrian and all it boiled down to was two guys trying not to mess up in public. Lincoln-Douglas it wasn’t.

On the plus side McCain only said “my friends” once that I noticed, which is about a 1000% reduction in his normal “my friends” usage.

Be sure to invite the Clinton’s to your post election party. I am sure you’d like to thank them for helping your campaign.

When BHO touted his superior judgement by opposing the invasion of Iraq. He said that he did not believe that Saddam had weapons of mass destruction.

MCCain: BHO, you say that you opposed the invasion of Iraq becuase you did not believe that Saddam had weapons of mass destuction. At that time, the English, the French, the Germans, the Russians and most other european nations believed that he had them. Both Hillary and Bill Clinton believed he had them. George Tenant the the director of the CIA appointed by Clinton believed he had them.

On what information did you, as a state senator in Illinois, with no security briefings, base your belief that he did not have them?

BHO: “This is the type of political gotcha that people are tired of…”

McCain: “I respectfully submit that you have been misleading people in this regard. I have been told that there is a ‘truth squad” out there looking for lies and MISLEADING statements, so you should be careful.

I believe you opposed the invasion of Iraq for the same reason that Black Congressional Caucus, Jesse Jackson and Al Sharpton opposed it. They opposted it because they felt that America’s resources could be better spent at home. This is a valid argument but it is disingeneous and misleading for you to claim superior judgement in this matter when you had no access to the relevent information.

~ “John; John; John; John; John; Senator McCain.”

~ “Obama is more compassionate than that old antagonistic guy who can’t type on the internet.”

~ “The audience consists of more than just Jim Lehrer, John.”

~ “Dr. Kissinger actually did say training wheels have no place in a dangerous world.”

~ “…spinspinspinspinspin Our guy won! spinspinspinspinspin…)”

~ “It comes down to one guy cloaks a marxist political philosophy for guidance, and the other guy doesn’t. The lesser evil is chosen. The rubicon is crossed. My vote is cast.”

Of course that was five. I blame gub’mint schools.

Isn’t that the most assinine argument? It’s like the talking heads are spotting Obama 10 points because he’s at a disadvantage. Are they going to “spot him 10″ when he goes up against Ahmadinejad? Putin? Chavez? Foreign policy isn’t basketball, nimrods!

Anon – “the “polls” are coming out on who won the election”
I think this is just a reflection of American competitiveness. Debates aren’t supposed to be about ‘winning’ and ‘losing’ – they’re for demonstrating the contrasts of the candidates’ positions. Somehow, we’ve turned them into jousting tournaments.

Personally I’m just going to sit out the debates as it’s all performance piece anyways.

I thought McCain won on substance, but I’m partisan. I see the InTrade price on RealClearPolitcs didn’t move (still 55-42) so I suppose it was a draw.

Obama seemed tentative & unsure. I don’t see how anyone could feel good about him with his finger on the trigger. He came across as the lightweight he is.

This was the online poll from MSNBC? If so, this means that 34% of the Democratic supporters think that McCain won. Because the Fox news poll said somewhere around 84% to 13% McCain won (which are republican voters)

Looks good to meeeee…Whooo Hoooo!

The truth is most progressives will be disappointed no matter what she says. The fact that they will hate a candidate simply because they are a republican infuriates me. Why don’t you grow a set of balls, and make a decision based on your own brain?!

How can you tell if Obama is lying?

(all together now…)

His lips are moving!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
it’s just getting too easy now.