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World’s ‘Oldest Creature’ Was 507 Years Young

From the UK’s Mirror:

Clam confirmed as the world’s oldest creature at 507 – but scientists killed it when checking its age

By Luke Traynor | 13 Nov 2013

A clam has been hailed as the world’s oldest creature at 507 years old after researchers sent to verify its age KILLED it. Christened Ming, it was found by climate change experts from Bangor University in north Wales on a trip dredging the seabeds of Iceland in 2006.

After the discovery, scientists counted the rings on the inside shell to work out Ming had been a wise old 405. Unfortunately researchers who calculated Ming’s age killed it instantly by opening its shell.

Were these scientists from the UK’s NHS ‘death panel’?

But now, seven years on, new calculations show the original age was wrong, and the clam was actually 102 years OLDER. That means Ming, named after the Chinese dynasty, was born in 1499.

They got the ring count wrong? Are these the same scientists gave us the global warming Hockey Stick? (Which was based on tree ring counts.)

Ocean scientist Paul Butler from Bangor University said: “We got it wrong the first time and maybe we were a bit hasty publishing our findings back then. But we are absolutely certain that we’ve got the right age now. The nice thing about these shells is that they have distinct annual growth lines, so we can accurately date the shell material. That’s just the same as what archaeologists do when they use tree rings in dead wood to work out the dates of old buildings.”

The discovery of Ming was so eye-opening that Help The Aged offered a £40,000 grant to the team to investigate how the molusc, born when Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne, has survived over the centuries.

Before Ming came along, the unofficial record for the world’s oldest animal was held by a 374-year-old Icelandic clam in a German museum.

The clam only grows in summer when the water is warm and it feasts on plankton, each year growing a layer as thin as 0.1 millimetres.

Which means they too will be helped by global warming. If there is such a thing.

This article was posted by Steve on Friday, November 15th, 2013. Comments are currently closed.

8 Responses to “World’s ‘Oldest Creature’ Was 507 Years Young”

  1. untrainable says:

    …how the mollusk, born when Queen Elizabeth I was on the throne, has survived over the centuries…
    Apparently the key to surviving 5 centuries involves avoiding curious scientists with oyster knives. I wonder if they made chowder.

    Why, if it is so easy to determine the age of a mollusk, were they off by 102 years after the first count? Did they have Jimmy Carter there to make sure the count was fair? Were there Acorn representatives there counting?

    Yet another case of enviro-morons destroying what they profess to defend. How many bats have been killed by windmills again? Oh well, bats aren’t nearly as cute as fuzzy left-footed one-eyed three-eared tree sloths… so who cares?

  2. captstubby says:

    “its Alive…oops!”

    press release;
    “but what does it matter now anyhow?”

  3. GetBackJack says:

    “The nine most terrifying words in the English language are: ‘I’m from the government and I’m here to help.'” Ronald Readan

  4. canary says:

    After 7 years of recounting 1 clam’s rings, they won’t stop recounting now. No telling how many clams are being counted by no telling how many idiots.

  5. Astravogel says:

    Years ago, when I was a radio announcer (DJ) at KNFB, Nowata, Oklahoma (more people in the cemetery
    than the ‘city’ I played a record (vinyl disk with groves) called “Bango the Orango” which delt with the story
    of an orang utan who could talk. Scientists cut him up to see why. The major occupation of Nowata at the
    time for the youth was to move to Tulsa; that of the oldsters to go to Coffeyville, Kansas, for booze. Haven’t
    been able to locate the lyrics for Bango anywhere. Still wonder at the advertisement on the wall of the local
    hotel for “Radium Baths.”

    • ifonly says:

      Other than me, you’re the only person who seems to remember that song. Don’t suppose you recall the year or the artist?

  6. yadayada says:

    wow ! I was stationed in Iceland back in the 80’s. my room mate (Jim from NH) and another friend (Nate from ME) and I would go clamming on the beach in Keflavik and pull out steamers the size of my fist.

    who knows? maybe they were probably a coupla hunnert years old, too. and very tasty!! and I’m not even an environ-mental-case.

    Icelanders thought we were crazy, cause (generally) they didn’t consider them good eatin’ material. of course they eat fermented shark. which, if you ever get the opportunity to eat it, I highly recommend …..running as fast and far as you can. even the smell will nauseate you.
    but no way we could pass up the fresh lobster tails at 5 kilos for $22……oh how I miss that !!!

  7. canary says:

    Yadayada. Thank you. I was not impressed either by Ming the clam. Here is the true story behind the on going $ Millions in grants being invested in counting clam grooves.

    Note: They do get some of the funding back from students’ tuition who attend Bangor University in Wales students who count the grooves as part of passing the course on

    “Claim Counting” : 498984-B-Science – Paul Butler in room #52,898 Climate Change Hall

    In 2006, so called climate change experts were on a paid exploration vacation to the naturally warm and lush green country of Iceland to study algae to see if was good algae that brings more oxygen to the planet than trees or “wasteland algae”

    The head of the group known as the “tribal leader named Mo Ming”. Not familiar with clams since there was no educational class on clams before 2006 believed he discovered an “ancient sea fossil do to the rough and discolored texture shell rings.

    Immediately, the exploration leader called for all activity and boats to halt. Fellow exploration vacationers were told to immediately get string and micro thin bamboo stunts to mark off the perimeter in case there were more fossils or clams with rare pearls in the vicinity.

    Mo Ming immediately grabbed a paper out of his pocket and called on documented witnesses
    to witness him place the clam on the paper and take photos so that the authenticity of the true and original clam so that any past, future, or hybrid clams could be used in fraud claims or sales.
    Weeks were spent measuring the letters and font of each word on the random paper to further make it impossible for any fake replicas or thefts.

    Mo Ming who had been contemplating how to get new grants for “job creation” set up a high security room in the University to do his research on the one of a kind find. Months were spent developing thin pins and mapping out the least damaging way to open the clam.

    It was Mo’s uncle Pin Ming who loaned his finest acupuncture needles handed down family generation used to meticulously and methodically tack the clam down sure and steady.

    There was also a concern that Iceland would use their “clam claim” laws and regulations.

    Mo had students around the clock video and provide surveillance over the clam and project.
    When the head of Bangor University heard of the fiasco and brutal killing of Ming the Clam
    he told Mo to destroy the videos so that Iceland could not indict them for taking their claim and killing it.

    Seven years later, students quit taking the “clam class” at the University so they thought getting the stupid media to run a story might bring back interest as “clam counters” and funding was becoming scarce. The remedy of jail and imprisonment for the “clam diggers” would do nothing to bring in more money for Bangor University, and such stupidity would be best contained even if it meant giving Mo Ming a ghost class.

    Plans are to break down dry wall and place a door with a gold name plate and class number and keep the illusion of the once popular and sought out class.

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